Godly Success In Marriage

Some tips on how to be a better listener

2010-03-18T13:53:00.001+08:00

Some tips on how to be a better listener

Here are some tips on how to be a better listener:

You need to listen when someone is talking.
Maintain EYE TO EYE contact.
Pay attention to your partner and be focus.
Do not interrupt.
Do not jump to conclusion or give solution or advise. Hear the full story first.
Keep an open mind. Do not judge. Do not look for "faults" in what your partner is saying.
Be loving and supportive.
Ask questions to clarify what you have heard.
Look out for the non-verbal communication – eye contact, tone of voice, facial expressions (smile, frown, disgust, tears, surprise, tears, rolling eyes etc)
Lastly, do bring your spouse to prayer.

We need to learn to commit all things to GOD. Be Blessed.

Some tips on how to be a better listener

2010-03-18T13:39:00.002+08:00

Here are some tips on how to be a better listener:

You need to listen when someone is talking.
Maintain EYE TO EYE contact.
Pay attention to your partner and be focus.
Do not interrupt.
Do not jump to conclusion or give solution or advise. Hear the full story first.
Keep an open mind. Do not judge. Do not look for "faults" in what your partner is saying.
Be loving and supportive.
Ask questions to clarify what you have heard.
Look out for the non-verbal communication – eye contact, tone of voice, facial expressions (smile, frown, disgust, tears, surprise, tears, rolling eyes etc)
Lastly, do bring your spouse to prayer.

We need to learn to commit all things to GOD. Be Blessed.

Pls consider!!

2009-04-02T12:17:00.000+08:00

Although this is a mail that send to me by a sister, i guess it is alright for me to forward it out to all of you (only to those who are going to or are married's: under my bcc to "married group"). I thank her for her frankness and openness. You know, having to grow up in our congregation for almost 22 years, without the Grace of God of serving HIM fulltimer, without the frank and openness of other saints that i have fellowshipped with, i would not have known that there are so many "problems" in our "Christian marriage" especially when everyone look "OK" to me when i see them on the Lord's day.
As for the children, I recalled years back when i ask the children this question while serving them : "Is there Christian in the prison?" you know what is their answer? "NO" was the answer. That is the perception of a child. How can Christian go to jail? How can Christian married "break", how can Christian couple "shout" and "fight". Would your child take it when they realized that mummy and daddy do not love each other anymore, or daddy or mummy is not coming home anymore "(.......

Although this sharing is more towards Husbands, but i believe that it is also happening to wife, ie : "Lord, did i married the wrong guy", "There he goes again".......

All i want to say to those who are married, "Do not forget your married vow. It is not only toward men, but it is toward GOD, HE was there when both of you made the Covenant of Marriage.

To brothers, be more sensitive to your wife. To sisters, be more respectful to your husband, Be Blessed! Here are our sister sharing :

"Husbands, stop falling into lucifer's trap where your marriages are concerned. At this age, the best to break up a family that God has put together and destroy his church is to make husbands believe that they have married the wrong wife! 'Maybe this is not what God has given me'. 'This 'Eve' caused me a lot of pain' or 'i think i didn't obey God by marrying the other woman', 'u see for yourself, God, there she goes again!' 'We are so different, how to goes on like this?' etc. Wake up Brothers! These are pack of lies from the Devil

1 Corinthians 7:10-11: "Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: a wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife."

What God has put together, man shall not divide. Even when Eve was led into temptation and sinned by eating the fruit the devil gave in the garden of Eden, God didn't divide them. So what justification do u have that u shall divide among yourselves? Pls don't tell me that is different cos they are in the old testament or they are different cos we are in different worlds. The setting is the same.

Husbands, examine yourselves if u feel u have married the wrong "wife" !! Sorry, there is no such thing as married the wrong wife. It is you have changed cos you see your wife differently. Ask yourself
"how much time u have spent with her alone, not watching TV, not finally after the kids are asleep but when was the last time u have held her hands and felt the same love for her like when you were not married yet'. Ask her how much assurance you have given her. When was the last time u told her 'i love u' like you did before.

The key person here is the recipient who is your wife, not yourself. Dun try to justify for yourself how much time u have for yourself. What topics to talk about. What's the point of all these. Come on, we are married for so many years and these are not the key issues. You will realised that it is you who have changed. Character differences is not the reason stated in the bible for divorce, nor is there a reason for husbands to commit adultery. You are the head of the family, everything is in your hands. It will be in God's hands if u have committed it unto Him. Spare the children as you really dunno how much destruction you have done.

thats all...for now.

Be Blessed!

2009-03-27T10:23:00.001+08:00

While walking with a brother this morning, he told me a wonderful piece good new, of course, it did not come easy. He has to go thru "sort of" a valley of the shadow of "death" before the Lord brought him to Elim, where there were twelve wells of water and seventy palm trees; (Exo 15:27). Glory be to GOD!
And that remind me of my own experience while my dad went for his 2nd "balloon" surgery for his heart recently. My dad was asked to sign a form where he was told by the doctor that in this surgery, there are 3% chances where it will go wrong, causing him to suffer stroke or heart failure, and it will be a 2 hrs surgery.
At the moment, to me, it was like a clean sheet of paper having a "tiny black dot" on it. That "black dot" signified that 3% failure in the surgery. Although i pray and pray, but somehow i was still drawn to think of that tiny "black dot" instead of the other 97% successful. Full of fear and anxiety :) And after waiting for over 4 hours instead of 2 hours, that tiny black dot seem to be bigger and bigger. After waiting for almost 5 hours, finally, my dad was push back to the ward. The reason for the delay? well, it was due to a emergency case that the doctor have to attend to before attending to my dad :( and praise the Lord, my dad is well and normal now. But i believe, thru this, my dad got to know a name : LORD JESUS CHRIST!., to me, i was once again being trained by the Lord with regards to how much do i really cast my cares upon HIM, and believe that whatever it is, Jesus doeth all things well.
Dearest brothers and sisters, Isn't this what we are going thru daily. We just like to focus on that tiny "black dot" on a piece of clean sheet instead of the other 97% of the clean sheet. Oh, how we need the Lord Jesus Christ to preserve and sustain us daily. So often, we are lost when we face with so many problems in our lives, full of fears and anxiety.

May we learn to cast our care on HIM and continue to believe in HIM what comes may. You know, saints, before the Lord brought my dear brother to "Elim" where there were wells of water, while he was in the midst of the valley, althought he felt sad and despair, he did not blame or give up the LORD, yet he continue to pursue and before he realised, he reached not one but 12 wells of water, not one, but 70 palm trees. Be Blessed!

We are "ONE"

2009-03-19T10:56:00.001+08:00

"If only you listen you would have listen to me", "Why you choose not to listen to me in the first place! you caused this mess, you clean it up!", " and "Is too late....." a song that love to be sung by a brother when mistake are made by someone else.

Does the above sound familiar to you or have it ever occurred to you before ? you, being the one who rebuke or the one being rebuke?

Looking back the years of my married, offended i am the one that rebuke my wife, right? mummy. I recalled when i asked her to be the financial controller of my house and when it ran into problem years back, i tend to jump at her, blaming her and usually we end up arguing. But today, i tks the Lord for opening my eye! Being "ONE" with her, we should share the problem together and not pointing finger. If i let her be the financial controller, i should trust wholeheartedly, of course, she will also discuss with me certain issues and when the decision are made, be it right or wrong, it is "OUR" mistake and not the other spouse mistake. Yes, she is still my financial controller, getting better and better :)

So, dear husband n wife or future husband and wife, remember, what ever decision that had been made by both of you, be it one party agreed or disagreed, when the mistake is made, pls do not point finger. All i can say is: we have to learn to trust one another. Of course, there are certain decision that is no so easy to decide, pls learn to pray and respect one another. Be Blessed!

Good advise TOO late!

2009-01-26T09:29:00.000+08:00

A fact to share to all you especially to parent or those who gives "good advise" :)

"Sometimes parent tend to give "Good advise too late", think about it, "good advise too late".
It is like when a young boy hit his head on the edge of the table, then his mom says to him : "careful !!"

How true isn't it......

Do you agreed?

2009-01-26T08:49:00.002+08:00

"The meanest most contemptible kind of praise is that which first speaks well of a man (spouse), and then qualifies it with a "BUT""

Henry Ward Beecher

Need and Want

2008-10-15T17:36:00.002+08:00

Interesting quote from the movie 'Why did I get married?'
In most cases, especially in relationships, you will only get 80% of what you NEED and you will hardly get the other 20% that you WANT in your relationship. There is always another person (man or women) that you will meet and that will offer you the other 20% which is lacking in your relationship that you WANT And believe me, 20% looks really good when you are not getting it at all in your current relationship.
But the problem is that you will always be tempted to leave that good 80% that you know you have, thinking that you will get something better with the other 20% that you WANT
But as reality has proven, in most cases, you will always end up with having the 20% that you WANT and loosing the 80% that you really NEED and that you already had.
Be careful in deciding between what you WANT and NEED in your life.

Praying with your spouse

2008-10-10T10:11:00.000+08:00

Dear beloved saints,

Be of good cheer!

This morning i was reminded by my wife to pray together, and Praise the Lord, we did. I thank God for her being my helpmate. And i thank God to use her to remind me the important of praying together.

I do not know how many of us have stop praying together with our spouse. Pls recover. Perhaps you are in the mist of quarrel, in the mist of breaking down, in the mist of not talking to one another or in the mist of restoring your marriage. In fact, the more your should come together and pray. I know it is not easy as you might say : "How to pray, i am still boiling with me".

I assured you, the more you pray together, the lesser will be the conflict with one another, cause when both of you learn to commit your worry and problems to GOD, you will see that both of you are going thru the difficulties as ONE and not individual, and most of all, not "pointing finger" as each others. Isn't how a quarrel started?

One of the secret of successful marriage is to come together and pray. Be Blessed!

Wonder

2008-09-15T10:34:00.001+08:00

Most everyone wonders everyone else.

We wonder if there are other people out there more sensitive, more giving, more financially secure, kinder, love-able, less angry than our spouse. We create an image of the neighbor's (friend, colleague, church) spouse who has it all together, who requires so much less maintenance than our spouse, is that true and you are one of them?
DO Not be fooled. There is no perfect person or marriage. Did you ever notice how surprised you are when you find out one of your friend is having a martial problems? or your friend tell you that he or she was abused by their spouse? You're shocked because you allowed yourself to imagine that a public is always consistence with a private life. Well, people always tried to put their best in public, isn't it? You have no idea what's really going on behind their close door.

So, if you are considering divorce, expecting to trade in for a "better" spouse, beware! cause every human being has problems. And that is why we need Jesus Christ! God is LOVE. There is no remedy for love but to love more. May our Lord increase our love to love our spouse. SO, pls work it out within your marriage. Need more love, focus and energy into your marriage.

"Wonders" will bring damages to your marriage, can you imagine both of the husband and wife "wonders" everyday as they step into office, working place, restaurant seeing the loving couple that is next to your table? "Why isn't my spouse like him/her who are so loving", "If only my spouse can be more caring like how he care for his wife", etc. and if we are not wise, soble and careful. we may even fall further to commit the followings: To covet our neighbor's spouse.
Exo 20:17 "You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife.......................,
Jeremiah 5:8 : They were like well-fed lusty stallions; Every one neighed (sign of lust) after his neighbor's wife.
May our Lord safeguard all of His Beloved and deliver us from the temptation of the evil ones.

Angry

2008-07-11T11:42:00.000+08:00

Often in marriage we get angry because something our spouse says or does embarrasses us. Something they fail to do irritates us. We start thinking, “I can’t depend on her for anything. She doesn’t love me. If she loved me, she would not let this happen.”
When you are angry, think before you act. Make sure you have all of the facts, and pray for wisdom.
The bible says : Eph 4:26 "BE ANGRY, AND DO NOT SIN": do not let the sun go down on your wrath,

Learn to communicate, talk it out before you enter into the next phrase : That is Quarrel. And if you have quarrel, do not hold the grudge, silent war for too long. I always have this picture in my mine whenever i quarrel with my wife, that is if i do not settle peace with her fast, imagine if the Lord were to take her away from me, i will have to hold this guilt forever. So i will always tried to settle fast and quick. May the Peace of God be with your family and your loved ones. Be Blessed.

Maintaining Communcation

2008-06-27T09:43:00.002+08:00

There will be times in your relationship where, instead of sharing your feelings and trying to resolve differences, you'll be tempted to ask yourself, "Why bother?" Don't make that mistake. Maintaining communication with your spouse will take patience and persistence. And talking about patience and persistence, we need Christ to be in our marriage. With HIM in us, are we able to bear the fruits of the Spirit :

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law". (Gal 5:22-23)

Never assume that silence or indifference is preferable to conflict. It's not. As long as you and your spouse are interacting and trying to resolve your differences, there's hope. When you stop talking, hope dies. Keep your relationship on the front burner. Neglect your relationship and you'll poison your intimacy. It is by talking and listening that we learn to work together as a team, and that's what a growing marriage is all about.

Further sharing ............

2008-06-23T10:02:00.002+08:00

In Line with the conference "Saved to serve". Most of the time after marriage we take each other for granted. We forgot how to "serve" our spouse(I am also talking about myself). We demand to be served. "Why can`t she understand me? She should know how I behave by now!" ,.." Why does he talk to me like that? He was not like this when we were dating!"

Do we learnt to be like our Lord define in 1 Cor 13:4-8."Love is....."

I guess it all starts from "dear i am sorry!". Lets all humble ourselves...brothers put down our pride(see the beauty in your wives). Sisters learnt to submit(learn to communicate with your husband without stirring his flesh!). This was my experince and am still OJT (on the job training) after ten years of marriage!

Is just the beginning

2008-06-23T10:01:00.000+08:00

Too many couples view marriage as the finish line of their relationship. They work and work to make it to their wedding day, then sit back and wait for "happily ever after" to begin. If doing nothing is your strategy for keeping love alive in your relationship, you're in trouble. The wedding is the first step, not the final one. To make your relationship work over the long haul, you need to put the same kind of time, energy, and effort into it after the wedding that you did when you were dating.

Do you remember some of the things you did when dating? Did you give gifts? Did you speak to each other kindly? Maybe it's time to ask your spouse, "Of all the things that I did when we were dating, which would you most like for me to do now?"

Eph 5:33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Liiving together requires adjustments

2008-06-20T07:38:00.001+08:00

If you entered marriage believing that you could merge lives effortlessly, the first thing you need to do is change your expectations. The truth is, living together requires many adjustments.

Remember this is not like trying to put up with a college roommate or the person splitting the rent in your apartment, where you can choose to ignore minor irritations or strange habits until the end of the lease. This is your life partner, the one you vowed to stay with until death. And not just stay together, but build an intimate relationship. This week we'll talk about bringing two lives together in harmony.

It's the Little Things
You found out he snores like a lumberjack. She squeezes the toothpaste in the middle. He thinks Burger King and laser tag are the ingredients of a romantic evening. She sings the wrong lyrics to every song on the radio.

The key to working through such irritations is to keep them in their proper perspective. Don’t let small things become big problems. Remind yourself that these are not life threatening problems. If we can find solutions, fine. If not, we can live with them. Here’s a plan for requesting change. Tell your spouse three things you like about them and then make one request. For example: “If possible, could you please get the hairs out of the sink when you finish?” I'll advise you not to request change more than once every two weeks.

Where's my "Happily Ever After?"
Too many couples view marriage as the finish line of their relationship. They work and work to make it to their wedding day, then sit back and wait for “happily ever after” to begin. If doing nothing is your strategy for keeping love alive in your relationship, you’re in trouble. The wedding is the first step, not the final one. To make your relationship work over the long haul, you need to put the same kind of time, energy, and effort into it after the wedding that you did when you were dating.

Do you remember some of the things you did when dating? Did you give gifts? Did you speak to each other kindly? Maybe it’s time to ask your spouse, "Of all the things that I did when we were dating, which would you most like for me to do now?"

Peace in the family

2008-05-25T07:21:00.002+08:00

Was fellowshipping with a brother and all he wants in his family was that "Peace" be restored back. That remind me of the Lord asking the saints in Ephesian to restore back their first love to HIM. and HE has taught how to recover this first love:

Rev 2:5 Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works,........

Well, you may ask me if Peace and Love come together, right?
I would think so. If you love your family, you would not bring "war" into your loved one. You would love them, cherish them & nourish them and not "hurt" them.

Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives........,
Eph 5:28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.
Eph 5:29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
Eph 5:30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.

Many a times, we tend to point finger at others for causing the "war" at home, especially to our wife. But being the head of the family, we are the one that pilot our ship, we are the one that have to "rule" our own house.

And if you are having "war" in your family right now, and if you are desire to restore back to "peace" in your family, you have to know why, when, and where you fall, why your family have come to this situation and most of all, you have to ask the Lord to grant both of you to control your anger, more patience, have an open heart and a pair of listening ears when both of you sit down and fellowship.

May we ask the Lord to give all of us a heart of flesh full of LOVE, PEACE & JOY. Be Blessed!

Love you forever

2008-04-29T11:36:00.001+08:00

LOVE YOU FOREVER by Robert Munsch

A mother held her new baby
and very slowly rocked him back and forth.
And while she held him, she sang:

I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
as long as I'm living
my baby you'll be.

The baby grew.
He grew until he was 2 years old
and he ran all around the house.
He pulled all the food out of the refrigerator.
He took his mother's watch and flushed it down the toilet.
Sometimes his mother would say, " this kid is driving me crazy!"

But at night time, when that 2 years old was quiet,
she opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor,
looked up over the side of his bed;
and if he was really asleep, she will picked him up
and very slowly rocked him back and forth.
And while she held him, she sang:

I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
as long as I'm living
my baby you'll be.

The little boy grew.
He grew until he was 9 years old
and he never wanted to come home for dinner.
He never wanted to take a bath,
and when his grandma visited he always said bad words.
Sometimes his mother wanted to sell him to the zoo!

But at night time, when that 9 years old was quiet,
she opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor,
looked up over the side of his bed;
and if he was really asleep, she will picked him up
and very slowly rocked him back and forth.
And while she held him, she sang:

I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
as long as I'm living
my baby you'll be.

The boy grew.
He grew until he was a teenager
and he had strange friends.
He wore strange clothes and listened to strange music.
Sometimes his mother felt like she was in a zoo!

But at night time, when that teenager was quiet,
she opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor,
looked up over the side of his bed;
and if he was really asleep, she will picked up that great big boy
and very slowly rocked him back and forth.
And while she held him, she sang:

I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
as long as I'm living
my baby you'll be.

That teenager grew.
He grew up until he was a grown-up man.
He left home and got a house across the town.

But sometimes on dark nights,
the mother got into her car and drove across town.
If all the lights in her son's house were out,
she opened his bedroom window, crawled across the floor,
looked up over the side of his bed;
and if that great man was really asleep, she will picked him up
and very slowly rocked him back and forth.
And while she held him, she sang:

I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
as long as I'm living
my baby you'll be.

Well, that mother she got older.
One day she called up her son and said,
"You'd better come and see me because
I'm very old and sick."
So her son came to see her.
When he came in the door she tried to sing that song. she sang:

I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always...

But she couldn't finish because she was too old and sick.

The son went to his mother.
He picked her up and rocked her back and forth.
And he sang this song:

I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
as long as I'm living
my Mommy you'll be.

When the son came home that night,
he stood for a long time at the top of the stairs.

Then he went into the room where his newborn daughter was sleeping.
He picked her up in his arms and very slowly rocked her back and forth.
And while he held her, he sang:

I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
as long as I'm living
my baby you'll be.

He is Wonderful and Faithful

2008-03-12T15:13:00.003+08:00

Going thru some of the blogs that i have listed for more than 2 years made me realized what wonderful God that i have. And that is why i keep on sharing to other married couple or going to marry about this wonderful God that we have.

As we are going into our 13 or 14 years of our marriage, i could not but tks HIM over and over again, thanking HIM for all the blessing, all the promises and His faithfulness to me and to my family. I just want to boast in HIM.

I could not tks HIM enough, Tks you, Lord Jesus.

Marriage require 2 parties to surrender to Christ. Required both of you to see that we need this God to see us thru our daily living.

Give us STRENGTH and PATIENCE to support and encourage one another after a long and tired day, cause you never know how much your spouse has gone thru the day and all she/he wants is to have someone to listen and a shoulder to lean on.
Give us LOVE when our human love run out.
Give us LOVING-KINDNESS for each other.
Give us LONG-SUFFERING when our we break down in our communication or when i have to wait for an hour to fetch her home :)...and many more.
And cause us to remember daily that He is the great "I AM", nothing is impossible in HIM.

Be Blessed, my dear saints. God is LOVE!

2008-02-22T16:32:00.001+08:00

Why Do We Get Angry?

Why is anger so pervasive? I want to suggest that the answer lies in the reality that we are made in the image of God, and God experiences anger. God’s anger is based on His holiness and His love. His holiness means that He is righteous in all of His thoughts and deeds, and His love means that He cares about the well-being of His creatures. When His creatures violate what He knows to be right, God experiences anger. This motivates Him to take constructive action. I believe our experience of anger is very similar.

More Than an Emotion
Anger is more than just an emotion. It involves the emotions, the body, the mind, and the will, all of which are stimulated by some event in the individual’s life. All people have some sense of fairness or rightness. When they encounter what they consider to be wrong, they experience anger. Anger is an indication that we are moral creatures. God made us, and we reflect His concern for righteousness. Anger is a friend, not an enemy.

Simply Being Human
Your spouse does something that you consider to be unkind or unfair, and you feel angry. Why? Because you are made in God’s image and when God encounters injustice, He too feels angry. You have a concern for right and when you encounter injustice, you feel angry. The purpose is to motivate you to take constructive action. The problem is that we often take destructive action and make things worse.

Another problem is that often our anger is distorted. That is, it is not based on actual wrong doing by our spouse, but rather some petty inconvenience. She forgot to take your shirts to the laundry. He showed up 30 minutes late for your dinner reservation. You are angry, but your spouse has committed no immoral act. They have simply been human. Forgetting is human. Your anger is real and needs to be shared, but it does not call for repentance on the part of your spouse. It calls for understanding.

Thankful for Anger?
Anger is not evil; anger is not sinful; anger is not a part of our fallen nature; anger is not Satan at work in our lives. Quite the contrary. Anger is evidence that we are made in God’s image, and He experiences anger because He is holy and loving. We should thank God for our capacity to experience anger. Thank God for anger, and then learn how to process it in a godly way.

2008-02-15T15:11:00.000+08:00

Giving Gifts to Show Love

Gifts are visual symbols of love. Most wedding ceremonies include the giving and receiving of rings. The person performing the ceremony says, “These rings are outward and visible signs of an inward and spiritual bond that unites your two hearts in love that has no end.” That is not meaningless rhetoric. It is a significant truth - symbols have emotional value.

Visual symbols of love are more important to some people than to others. That’s why when you give a gift to some people, they are greatly moved emotionally. It speaks more deeply than words, quality time, physical touch or acts of service.

Become a Giver
Gifts come in all sizes, colors, and shapes. Some are expensive, and others are free. To the individual whose primary love language is receiving gifts, the cost of the gift will matter little. If your spouse’s primary love language is receiving gifts, you can become a proficient gift giver. In fact, it is one of the easiest love languages to learn. Gifts can be purchased, found, or made.

Ideas for Giving
If your spouse’s love language is receiving gifts, here are some ideas. Try a parade of gifts: leave a box of candy in the morning, have flowers delivered in the afternoon, and give her a book in the evening. When she asks, “What is going on?” you respond, “Just trying to fill your love tank.”

Give your spouse a gift every day for one week. It need not be a special week, just any week. I promise you it will become “The Week that Was!”

Keep a “Gift Idea Notebook.” When you hear your spouse say, “I really like that,” or “I would really like to have one of those,” write it down in your notebook. This will serve as a guide when you are ready to select a gift. A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, “Look, he was thinking about me. He loves me.” Giving gifts is a powerful expression of love.

Physical Touch

2008-02-06T08:55:00.001+08:00

Speaking Love through Physical Touch

Keeping emotional love alive in a marriage makes life much more enjoyable. How do we keep love alive after the “in-love” emotions have evaporated? I believe it is by learning to speak each other's “love language.” This week we will focus on physical touch.

For some husbands, when they hear the words physical touch, they immediately think of sex. But sexual intercourse is only one of the dialects of this love language. Holding hands, kissing, embracing, back rubs, or an arm around the shoulder are all ways of expressing love by physical touch.

How Can You Speak This Love Language?
Physical touch can make or break a marital relationship. Do you know how to speak this love language? To the spouse whose primary love language is physical touch, nothing is more important than your tender touches. You may give them words of affirmation or gifts, but nothing communicates love like physical touch.

Touches may be explicit and call for your full attention, such as a back rub or sexual foreplay. They can be implicit and require only a moment, such as putting your hand on his shoulder as you pour a cup of coffee. Once you discover that physical touch is the primary love language of your spouse, you are limited only by your imagination. Kiss when you get in the car. It may greatly enhance your travels. Give a hug before you go shopping. You may hear less griping when you return. Remember, you are learning to speak a new language.

"I'm Just Not Touchy-Feely"
When you reach out with tender touch, you create emotional closeness. This is especially true if the primary love language of your spouse is physical touch. You may say, “What if I’m just not a toucher? I didn’t grow up in a touchy-feely family.” The good news is that you can learn to speak this love language. It can begin with a pat on the back, or putting your hand on their leg as you sit together on the couch.

Times of Crisis
Almost instinctively in a time of crisis, we hug one another. Why? During these times, we need to feel loved more than anything. All marriages will experience crises. Disappointments are a part of life. The most important thing you can do for your wife in a time of crisis is to love her. If her primary love language is physical touch, nothing is more important than holding her as she cries. Your words may mean little, but your physical touch will communicate that you care. In a time of crisis, a hug is worth more than a thousand words. Physical touch is a powerful love language.

Acts of Service

2008-01-25T11:02:00.002+08:00

Acts of Service

This week we are discussing the love language of "acts of service” - doing something for your spouse that you know they would like for you to do. Cooking a meal, washing dishes, taking out the garbage, mowing the lawn, changing the baby’s diaper, and painting the bedroom are all acts of service.

If this is your spouse’s primary love language, nothing speaks as loudly as these acts of service. You may give him or her words of affirmation, but they are thinking, “Cut the talk. If you loved me, you would do something around here.” For them, actions truly speak louder than words.

Jesus' Example
Jesus gave a simple but profound illustration of expressing love by an act of service when He washed the feet of His disciples. In a culture where people wore sandals and walked on dirt streets, it was customary for the servant of the house to wash the feet of guests as they arrived. When we translate this into a marriage, it means that we will do acts of service to express love to our spouse. Why not choose one to express love to your spouse today?

Learn From Criticism
Your spouse’s critical remarks may be your best clue as to his or her primary love language. The next time your spouse criticizes you, look behind the criticism and see if you can discover their love language. They are trying to tell you what is important to them emotionally. Don’t fight the criticism. Seek to learn from it. Love effectively by learning your spouse’s primary love language and speaking it daily.

Removing Freedom
When I talk about acts of service as an expression of love, I am not talking about being a slave. When we treat our spouses as slaves, we remove the possibility of love because we remove their freedom. “If you were a good spouse, you would do this for me” is not the language of love. “You will do this, or you'll be sorry” is manipulation, not love. If acts of service are to be acts of love, they must be freely given. Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love.

A Look at Stereotypes
Learning to speak this love language may require some of us to reexamine our stereotypes of the roles of husbands and wives. Is this difficult? Perhaps. That’s why I use the word love language. Learning a new language may be difficult and take time, but it can be done. A willingness to examine and change stereotypes may be necessary in order to express love more effectively.

Learn to Apologize Effectively

2008-01-11T16:40:00.001+08:00

Learning to Apologize Effectively

Have you ever noticed that what one person considers to be an apology, is not what another person considers to be an apology? What is an apology?

It’s different things to different people. After three years of research, Dr. Jennifer Thomas and I have concluded that there are five basic elements to an apology. We call them the five languages of apology. Each person has a primary apology language, and one of the five speaks more deeply to them emotionally than the other four. If you don’t speak their language, they may consider your apology insincere.

A Question of Sincerity
Ever had someone apologize to you and you questioned their sincerity? Ever ask yourself why? It’s probably because they did not speak your apology language. They said, “I’m sorry.” But what you wanted to hear was, “I was wrong.” They said, “Will you forgive me?” But what you wanted to hear was, “What can I do to make this right?”

Many of our apologies come across as insincere because we are not speaking the apology language of the offended person. If couples can learn each other's primary apology language and speak it when they offend each other, forgiveness will be much easier.

The Five Languages of Apology
Do you know the five languages of apology?
# 1 - Expressing Regret – “I’m sorry.” “I feel badly about what I did.”
# 2 - Accepting Responsibility – “I was wrong.” “It was my fault.”
# 3 - Making Restitution – “What can I do to make it right?”
# 4 - Genuinely Repenting – “I’ll try not to do that again.”
# 5 - Requesting Forgiveness – “Will you please forgive me?”

Speaking the Right One
When you apologize, you are trying to make things right. So you say, “I’m sorry. I was wrong. I know I hurt you and I feel badly about it. Will you forgive me?” But your spouse says, “How could you do that if you loved me? How can I forgive you when you never do anything to ‘make it right’?" You feel frustrated and don’t know what to do next. The problem is not your sincerity, the problem is that you are not speaking the right apology language.

Which Do You Want to Hear?
Which one of the five languages of apology do you want to hear? That is your primary apology language.

Apologize effectively by learning your spouse's apology language and speaking it when you know you have offended each other. Ask your spouse, “When I apologize, what do you want to hear from me?” You may be surprised at their answer, but it will give you their primary apology language. Learning to speak each other's apology language will lead you to a growing marriage.

The Power of Affirming Words

2008-01-07T12:16:00.001+08:00

The Power of the Tongue
Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Good for Mark Twain, but I don’t know many husbands and wives who can survive on six compliments a year. Solomon, author of the ancient Hebrew wisdom literature, wrote, “The tongue has the power of life and death.” Many couples have never learned the tremendous power of verbally affirming each other. Verbal compliments are powerful communicators of love.

Encouraging Words
One way to verbally affirm your spouse is to give encouraging words. Allison always wanted to be a writer, but after receiving her first rejection slip from the publisher, she gave up. One evening her husband Keith came into the den and said, “I hate to interrupt your reading, but I have to tell you this. I just finished reading your article. Allison, you are an excellent writer. This stuff ought to be published! Your words paint pictures that I can visualize. You have got to submit this stuff to some magazines.” “Do you really think so?” Allison asked. “I know so,” Keith said. “I’m telling you, this is good.”

Ten years later, Allison has had several articles published and has her first book contract. She credits her success to Keith’s words of encouragement. Perhaps your spouse has untapped potential in one or more areas of life. That potential may be awaiting your encouraging words.

Focus on Your Spouse
There is a difference between encouraging words and nagging words. Encouraging words always focus on something your spouse wants to do, not something you want them to do. A nag is anything you tell your spouse more than three times.

"It's Not What You Said. It's How You Said It!"
If we are to express love by words of affirmation, those words must be kind words. Kindness has to do with the manner in which we speak. Sometimes our words are saying one thing, but our tone of voice is saying another. Our spouse will usually interpret our message based on our tone of voice, not the words we use. The same words expressed with a loud, harsh voice will not be an expression of love, but an expression of condemnation and judgment. An ancient sage once said, “a soft answer turns away anger."

Quality Time

2007-12-29T10:55:00.002+08:00

Quality time is giving someone your undivided attention. I don’t mean sitting on the couch watching television. I mean sitting on the couch with the TV off, looking at each other and talking, and giving each other your undivided attention. For some people, quality time is their primary love language, and if you don’t give them quality time, they will not feel loved. Is it possible that your spouse’s primary love language is quality time?

Listen for Clues
Quality time is a powerful emotional communicator of love. One medicine does not cure all diseases. So one love language does not communicate emotionally to all people. If you give your spouse affirming words; If you express love by acts of service; If you touch them affectionately; and they still complain, “You don’t ever have time for me. We used to do things together. Now you are always too busy or too tired,” they are telling you that their primary love language is quality time.

The Essence of Quality Time
A central aspect of quality time is togetherness. I do not mean proximity. Togetherness has to do with focused attention. A husband who is watching sports on television while he talks to his wife is not giving her quality time, because she does not have his full attention. A husband and wife playing tennis together, if it is genuine quality time, will focus not on the game, but on the fact that they are spending time together.

Dialects of Quality Time
Like words of affirmation, the language of quality time also has many dialects. One of the most common dialects is that of quality conversation. By quality conversation, I mean sympathetic dialogue where two people are sharing their experiences, their thoughts, their feelings, and their desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. If your spouse’s primary love languages is quality time, such dialogue is crucial to his or her emotional sense of being loved. Sit down. Ask questions, and listen.

Tips for Keeping the Love Tank Full
I want to conclude by giving you four tips on how to have a quality conversation with your spouse:

1. Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking.
2. Don’t listen to your spouse and do something else at the same time.
3. Listen for feelings. Ask yourself, “What emotion is my spouse experiencing?”
4. Refuse to interrupt. Such interruptions indicate, “I don’t care what you are saying; listen to me."

Such active listening will fill the love tank of the person whose primary love language is quality time.

Keeping the LOVE tank FULL

2007-12-18T11:34:00.001+08:00

Keeping the Love Tank Full

The Need for Love
Love is the most important word in the English language - and the most confusing. The apostle Paul said that in the last scene of the human drama, only three characters will remain: “faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” Yet, love is a most confusing word. Our purpose is not to eliminate all the confusion, but rather to focus on the kind of love that is essential to our emotional health: the need to feel loved.

Running on Empty
I liked the metaphor the first time I heard it: “Inside every child is an ‘emotional tank’ waiting to be filled. When a child really feels loved, he will develop normally, but when the love tank is empty, the child will misbehave. Their misbehavior is a misguided search for the love they did not feel. Many of their parents also suffer from an empty love tank, and much of the misbehavior of married individuals grows out of an empty love tank.

Speak Their Language
The need to feel loved by one’s spouse is at the heart of marital desires. I believe this need can be met in any marriage, if each of them will discover the primary love language of their spouse and speak it regularly. There are only five love languages. Your spouse desperately craves one of them. Make it your goal to discover it and speak it, and their love tank will be full.

Love is Learned
Marriage is designed by God to meet our deep need for intimacy and love. Again and again I have heard the words “Our love is gone, our relationship is dead. We used to feel close, but not now. We don’t meet each other’s needs.” Their stories bear testimony that their emotional love tanks are empty. Can these marriages be reborn? Absolutely! Because love is learned.

"Lord, What Can I Do?"
Could it be that deep inside hurting couples exists an invisible “emotional love tank” with its gauge on empty? If we could find a way to fill it, could the marriage be reborn? I believe the answer is “Yes.” God made us with a capacity for giving and receiving emotional love. Nothing is more important to the emotional climate of your marriage than asking God to teach you how to effectively love your spouse. Learning his or her primary love language and speaking it regularly will make you an effective lover.

Excerpt taken from The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Gary Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.

Money hurts a relationship.

2007-11-13T08:37:00.000+08:00

As i sitting of what to put it on this morning, the Lord remind me of a small incident between my wife and myself. Yes, the one and only issue that always "spark" from a friendly questioning (interrogation) to a quarrel. That is "MONEY".
But tks and praise to God, after much "friendly" interrogation, i begin to feel bad and so i stop the friendly interrogation. And we end without a heated quarrel which we normally do, yeah... speaking of "worry" which i have just shared over the other blog (http://feargodlky.blogspot.com/). I am reminded to cast my worry to HIM, and i will walk & share together with my wife, be it rich or poor. He is our Provider. Mummy, sorry :)

5 love languages

2007-11-06T08:42:00.000+08:00

Love check : How is your love tank? full, partial or empty?

After knowing your spouse love-language, pls do not give up, continue to practise it. Of course you can do some modification according to your spouse needs.
And for those whose love tank are full, i sincerely hope that you also tell this effective method your your friend, colleague and even your sibling too.
Of course, it is also a way to preach the gospel, because to have a truly and wonderful success in Marriage, they need the originator/ source of LOVE : our Lord Jesus Christ. Our human love is limited and it is hard to use human love to practise the love language.
With the conversation with my wife, Praise God! she has been telling people about it and many of them do not know this book. Of course, my wife and i have tasted the goodness of the meeting each other love language.
Above all, Glory be to God. Let us encourage one another to go on to love our God and our family.

Behind every marriage!

2007-10-23T07:56:00.000+08:00

As the saying goes, "there is alway a woman behind every successful man" or the other way round?
But let me tell you, my beloved......"Behind every successful marriage, is GOD !!".

No so good news

2007-10-11T08:32:00.000+08:00

Of late, i have received some no good news among us with regards to the couple. Sometime, i just sit and wonder, do we really know what we want in our lives. Or rather, do we not know that we are different from the world, we are God's children. Why do we take wedding and our marriage so likely?
Someone just told me : "All that i want is just a relationship But not a husband & wife relationship. Do not want to entangle into this married life". Another one told me : "Is all depends on our mode whether we want to communicate or not."
But of course, on the brighter side, i am happy to know that we do have couples who are enjoying their married life, ceaseless of communication, word of encouragement, praying for one another.
The Love of God that had poured out to all of us into our hearts are the same, because His is impartial.
So, so long if you are willing, you can also have a wonderful married. Time is not in our hand, do not wait till when your the other is taken away then you regret of not spending time with him/her.
This is the common saying right? whenever someone passed away, someone will say: "If only i know, i will do this or do that......."
So, our Lord is right, if you are now angry with your spouse, settle before sun go down. Reconcile back to your spouse. And if you have children, it is definitely a good example to set before them. Be Blessed!
"Eph 4:26 "BE ANGRY, AND DO NOT SIN": do not let the sun go down on your wrath, "

Mother-in-laws

2007-09-27T14:23:00.000+08:00

Q: My mother-in-law seems to have so much sway with my husband, more than I have sometimes. Recently we were considering a career move that would have taken us hundreds of miles away. My husband's mother told him, "What's really important to you, career or your family?" The guilt trip she laid on him made the decision for us. How can I tactfully tell her to back off?

A: You can't, so don't try. A friend once told me, "A word to the wise is unnecessary." The only person (besides herself) who can tell this woman anything might be your husband (her son). But even that could be a lose-lose scenario if your mother-in-law gets the idea that you're behind it. So don't have a conversation that could alienate the two of you for the rest of your marriage.

Another reason to avoid telling her off is that you don't want to force your husband into a painful choice. His loyalty to you could cause him either to distance himself from his family or to have to endure his mother's punishing remarks for years. He's bound to resent that wedge driven between you and his family and even resent you, who in some ways caused it.

Ideally your husband should respond to his mom's "suggestions" tactfully and firmly with a comment like, "Mom, I hear what you're saying. Nancy and I will talk and pray about this. These are decisions we make together." In this way he's doing what the Bible says—"leaving" his father and mother and "cleaving" to his own wife.

Your role as daughter-in-law is a tough one. It may sound old-fashioned to suggest that you must have a deferential, even submissive, attitude toward your mother-in-law, but it's a biblical pattern. Ask God to give you patience and grace to respond lovingly in the face of her tyrannical behavior, and ask God to soften her heart toward you. Who knows how God will use your gracious behavior in this woman's life? I've heard of wretched mothers-in-law who, when facing tragedy or illness, turn to the in-law who has shown grace and strength over the years. This is "turning the other cheek" and "doing good to those who despitefully use you." It's loving your enemy. It sounds like a weak response, but it takes a lot of strength to respond in a Christlike way.

Meanwhile, build your teamwork with your husband so he gets accustomed to making decisions, big and small, with your good input. Maybe part of his problem is that he's still learning how to work as a partner with you. You can't do much about the mother-in-law, but you should do everything you can to be a solid teammate with your husband. As his comfort level grows, he will be more likely to make decisions that are informed by your input, not his mother's.

2007-09-18T09:50:00.000+08:00

Making Marriage Work

The First "Marriage Support Group" Retreat

2007-09-12T10:52:00.001+08:00

L.O.V.E.

2007-09-04T09:07:00.002+08:00

Lordship. To have God as the Lord of the relationship
One-ness. To be together as one in the eyes of God
Vows. To always remember what you have vowed on the day of wedding.
Endure. To press on even in times of hardships and conflicts.

Are YOU still attracted to Youe Wife?

2007-08-31T07:05:00.000+08:00

Are You Still Attracted to Your Wife?
A big myth about relationships that is dispelled in the Song of Solomon is that attraction is only a consideration for singles. The attraction that Solomon writes about is based on character first when he says, "Your name is like purified oil" (Song 1:3).
This quality of attraction lasts long after age and gravity set in. A great physique, a great smile, and/or a great bank account can all be attractive, but it's what's inside that really matters.
So, let me ask you a very direct question (but don't answer out loud):
Are you still attracted to your wife?

Just "A" little effort will do!

2007-08-28T08:25:00.000+08:00

Praise the Lord for His Good, Grace, Mercy, Loving kindness and many more......to Praise HIM and to THANK HIM.

We are enjoying our marriage life. No words can be describe, but what i can say is God is Faithful. He gives me strength to love, patient for one another, self-control as it is very easily to "spark" a argument , and open my eyes to see the important of by putting "A" little effort to my marriage. Just "A" little effort will do!

This is my experience:
1) When my wife ask me to pick her up after my home meeting (usually end at 10pm) for supper, instead of sms her :Sorry, i tired or k, but this time i replied her, "Is my pleasure, darling". And the reply that i have received was : Love you, darling. Never know that by putting little effort, i also receive the blessing too. I am happy and joyful and surprised to receive my wife reply. I guess she also put in that little effort too :)

2) When things were not pleasant when it comes for either one of us has to go home on Friday nite to babysit our 2 children, i have to attend home meeting and my wife has to work late, it is very easily to "spark" an quarrel. But Praise the Lord, after i have settled the issue with my mum, i sms to my wife : " Tks for everything, without you :) ". I guess that will brought her a "smile" and i am sure it will.

3) When i told my wife to buy 6 packs of fish soup for our family dinner for approx 17 pax, she bought only 3 packs. And i begin to raise my voice, but at that moment, miraculously, somehow or rather, i begin to cool down suddenly. And instead of asking her to go back and buy, without any anger inside, i just put on a T-shirt. But my mum and my wife assured me that it enough as there are many other dishes, so i did not insist, and have my dinner peacefully. Tks the Lord for my wife and my mum, too.

What i am sharing is that many of the above example was not me in the past, many times, i take my wife for granted. But this years plus, Praise the Lord for the Marriage Support Group and also because of the topic that we have done during our recent Youth and Young People meeting. It help tremendously. Of course, not only hearer but also doer. Try it.

We have to put in effort in order to enjoy Godly success in marriage.

Glory be to God.

How big can a heart be?

2007-08-13T15:36:00.000+08:00

How big can a heart be? I guess, as big as how much "Love You" allow it to flow in, and out…(http://www.kloudiia.com/1137/a-true-testimony-of-family-love/). As i was reading the above article by Ms Kloudiia, i am touch by this word, "How big can a heart be".

Ya, how "big" can we give our heart to our loved one? does it mean you love more, you give "bigger"? you love less, you give a "smaller" heart?

How much did our Lord gives HIS HEART to us, the sinner? He give us "His Life"!!. And HE gave His Life to us while we were still sinner. What a "Heart" that our Lord Jesus Christ has. He gave to all of us His "Biggest" heart.

Today, as husband and wife, we have to see that despite of our differences, we have to give to our spouse the "biggest" heart.

So, what is the heart, the bible mentioned 773 times of "heart". What is the heart? happy heart, heavy heavy, grieve heart, sad heart........love heart etc.

Heart

"According to the Bible, the heart is the centre not only of spiritual activity, but of all the operations of human life. "Heart" and "soul" are often used interchangeably (Deut. 6:5; 26:16; comp. Matt. 22:37; Mark 12:30, 33), but this is not generally the case. The heart is the "home of the personal life," and hence a man is designated, according to his heart, wise (1 Kings 3:12, etc.), pure (Ps. 24:4; Matt. 5:8, etc.), upright and righteous (Gen. 20:5, 6; Ps. 11:2; 78:72), pious and good (Luke 8:15), etc. In these and such passages the word "soul" could not be substituted for "heart." The heart is also the seat of the conscience (Rom. 2:15). It is naturally wicked (Gen. 8:21), and hence it contaminates the whole life and character (Matt. 12:34; 15:18; comp. Eccl. 8:11; Ps. 73:7). Hence the heart must be changed, regenerated (Ezek. 36:26; 11:19; Ps. 51:10-14), before a man can willingly obey God. The process of salvation begins in the heart by the believing reception of the testimony of God, while the rejection of that testimony hardens the heart (Ps. 95:8; Prov. 28:14; 2 Chr. 36:13). "Hardness of heart evidences itself by light views of sin; partial acknowledgment and confession of it; pride and conceit; ingratitude; unconcern about the word and ordinances of God; inattention to divine providences; stifling convictions of conscience; shunning reproof; presumption, and general ignorance of divine things."

Easton's 1897 Bible Dictionary

So i guess, the ONLY heart that we want is the heart that our Lord has. A heart of love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.
Pray that our Lord will grant us the heart of His.

What is Love & Red Flag

2007-07-29T07:36:00.000+08:00

A)Just to continue what Bro Kian Heng has shared:

1) Firstly, Bro Kian Heng mentioned : Love does not seek its own

1Co 13:4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;

1Co 13:5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;

1Co 13:6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;

1Co 13:7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1Co 13:8 Love never fails.

2)Secondly, he mentioned not to made/commit that 3 words to your partner easily, i thought he would mentioned “Pls marry me”, instead he mentioned “I Love You”. But i guess, many of us would have said more than hundreds of times “I Love You” before we comes to propose to our loved one, right? So have we taken this 3 words “ I love You” lightly.

So, what is Love: Our Definition of LOVE.

The American Heritage Dictionary defines love as "an intense affection for another person based on familial or personal ties". Often this "intense affection" stems from a sexual attraction for that other person. We love other people, or we say we love other people, when we are attracted to them and when they make us feel good. Notice that a key phrase in the dictionary definition of love is the phrase "based on". This phrase implies that we love conditionally; in other words, we love someone because they fulfill a condition that we require before we can love them. How many times have you heard or said, "I love you because you are cute;" or "I love you because you take good care of me;" or "I love you because you are fun to be with"?

Our love is not only conditional, it is also changeable,fickle. We love based on feelings and emotions that can change from one moment to the next.

Husband & Wife

Wife:

Eph 5:24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

Husband:

Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,

Eph 5:28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.

Eph 5:29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

B)Red Flag:

Any relationship will have its difficulties, but sometimes those difficulties are indicators of deep-rooted problems that, if not addressed quickly, will poison your marriage. If any of the following caution signs exist in your relationship, we recommend you fellowship with the elderly or serving ones..

He/She is overly-dependent on parents for finances, decision-making or emotional security.
He/She shows a pattern of dishonesty, rationalizing questionable behavior or twisting words to his or her benefit.
He/She exhibits patterns of physical, emotional or sexual abuse toward you or others. If he or she has ever threatened to hit you or actually struck you, this is a warning sign of future abuse. If he or she puts you down or continually criticizes you, this is a sign of emotional abusiveness.
He/She displays signs of drug or alcohol abuse: unexplained absences or missed dates, frequent car accidents, the smell of alcohol or strong odor of mouthwash, erratic behavior or emotional swings, physical signs such as red eyes, unkempt look, unexplained nervousness, etc.
He/She displayed a sudden, dramatic change in lifestyle as you began dating. (He or she may be changing just to win you and will revert back to old habits after marriage.)

Divorces increased in 2006

2007-07-25T10:08:00.000+08:00

Number of marriages, divorces increased in 2006: Statistics Dept
(By S Ramesh, Channel NewsAsia | Posted: 24 July 2007 1856 hrs)

SINGAPORE: Marriages and divorces were both higher last year compared with 2005, said the Department of Statistics.
23,706 marriages were registered last year against 22,992 in 2005 - showing a 3.1 per cent increase. Of these, 3,945 marriages were registered by the Registry of Muslim Marriages.
However, the overall number of marriages is still lower than the annual average registered in the 1990s - which stood at 24,800.
The Department said men in the 25 to 29 age group, and women aged 20 to 24 experienced the largest fall in marriage rates last year. And the delay in the timing of marriage occurred among grooms and brides of all educational groups.
In 2006, those with primary or no education were the oldest to get married; and the median age at first marriage for this group was 40 years for non-Muslims and 33 years for Muslims.
Meanwhile, re-marriage has become increasingly common, with 17 per cent of grooms and 15 per cent of brides remarrying last year. As for the divorce rate, the Department noted that younger married persons aged 20 to 24 registered the highest rate last year.

Their divorce rate also showed the largest increase over the past ten years.

Among male divorcees last year, the largest number came from the 35 to 44 age group, while for the women it was the 25 to 34 age group.

Last year, 10 years for non-Muslims. 84 per cent of non-Muslim divorced couples last year were predominantly Chinese, a figure which is on par with a decade ago. - CNA/yy

Preparation before Marriage

2007-07-20T17:52:00.000+08:00

It all begin with: Can we buy a house? Dear, will you marry me? Darling, can you be my helpmate? Or I guess it is time for us to settle down. Isn't it?

Marriage is instituted by God and is honourable among all, therefore we need to take the steps of marriage seriously. (Heb 13:4)

A. Spiritual Aspects

And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men. (Luke 2:52)

1. Pray and seek together diligently before God

Pray together and commit your marriage to GOD

“But as for me, I would seek God, and to God I would commit my cause” (Job5:8)
Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. (Psa 37:5)
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. (Pro 3:5-6)

Pray without ceasing (I Thess 5:17)
Prayer list: Refer to items on “B”

To seek fellowship with parents and elderly saints.

My son, hear the instruction of your father, And do not forsake the law of mother; for they will be a graceful ornament on your head, and chains about your neck. (Proverb 1:8-9)

B. Practical Aspects - (Fantasy vs Reality)

1. Emotional and psychological readiness

Have a mind to learn: (Great changes in your Environment & Expectation)

“To live together in the legal estate of matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honour and keep him in sickness and in health and forsaking all others, be faithful to him, so long as you both shall live?”

I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. (Phil 4:12)

2. Financial stability (Need and Want)

Wedding Photo Package, Dowry, Dinner, Thanksgiving, Accommodation.

For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. (Matt 6:32)

3. Relationship with future in-laws

And the second, like it, is this: 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.' There is no other commandment greater than these." (Mar 12:31)

4. Planning for children

But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. "Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. (Eph 2:15)

5. Marriage Ceremonial Rites

Registration of marriage (ROM) and the Customary Wedding simultaneously or separately?

“To live together in the legal estate of matrimony?

Should we be obliged to do things that may not be befitting for saints? e.g. Pay respect to ancestor.

you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, (Exodus 20:5)

Tea Ceremony: Should Christians kneel to serve tea?

Oh come, let us worship and bow down; Let us kneel before the LORD our Maker. (Psa 95:6)

Wedding gowns

“In like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing,” (I Tim 2:9)

6. How to handle differences of opinion in marriage preparations

“submitting to one another in the fear of God.” (Eph 5:21)

C. Purpose of the R.O.M. and Thanksgiving Meeting

On the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. (John 2:1)

This beginning of signs Jesus did in Cana of Galilee, and manifested His glory; and His disciples believed in Him. (John 2:11)

1. Registration of the marriage in accordance to the laws of the country

a. To fulfill all righteousness:

But Jesus answered and said to him, “Permit it to be so now, for thus it is fitting for us to fulfill all righteousness.” Then he allowed Him. (Matt 3:15)

b. To fulfill all legal requirements:

Marriage Solemniser’s Address
“Before you are joined in matrimony, it is my duty to remind you of the solemn and binding character of the vows you are about to make. Marriage according to law is the union of one man and one woman, voluntarily entered into for life, to the exclusion of all others.”

Therefore submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake, whether to the king as supreme. (I Pet 2:13)

c. God is Witness:

“Yet you say, "For what reason?" Because the LORD has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant.” (Mal 2:14)

2. To rejoice with all the saints, relatives and friends (John 2:1-11; I Cor 12:26)

“And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honoured, all the members rejoice with it.” (I Cor 12:26)

3. To Glorify God & His Goodness

“Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has made herself ready.” (Rev 19:7)

I will praise You, O Lord my God, with all my heart,

And I will glorify Your name forevermore.

(Psa 86:12)

Clarify before you 'JUMP'

2007-07-17T08:00:00.000+08:00

LKY's definition of "JUMP" : Angry, furious, comm down-stand for communication down between spouse.
Last week in our group fellowship we have touched concerning how quick we have react over certain things with our spouse even before clarify. For eg: after coming home late from work, all you see was a note on the fridge saying :Hi honey, can you pls vacuum and mop the floor, i have to attend a meeting. What is your reaction, would you "jump"? telling yourself, after a long day at work, i still have to do all these, what had she been doing the whole day? the more you reason, the more you will get angry, is just like the boiling water, waiting to be boiled.
Looking back my experience, it was a nice evening that i have the time to pick up my wife from work, and so i called her and arranged to pick her at certain time, so to give her surprise, i bought some snack, knowing she always skip her dinner. What happened? 10 mins passed, 30 mins passed, almost an hour late. Start to call her, did not pick up my line, within me, from a cool water, now began to boil...........
And when i see her, all i say is : "why so late................., follow by comm down". How often we have made this "grave" mistake. So i learn, nowaday, if i am going to pick her, firstly, i must have a prepared mind that she might be late and secondly, i have to clarify with her before i "Jump" and let the evil one comes between us.
This is part of the package of "Marriage". Do not self-interpret the situation, but clarify with your spouse.

Bernard & Ee Han

2007-07-03T10:48:00.001+08:00

Congratulation & God Bless!
Bro Bernard & Sis Ee Han
(07/07/2007)

Eph 5:17 Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.
Eph 5:18 And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit,
Eph 5:19 speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord,
Eph 5:20 giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
Eph 5:21 submitting to one another in the fear of God.
Eph 5:22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Eph 5:23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.
Eph 5:24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,
Eph 5:26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,
Eph 5:27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
Eph 5:28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.
Eph 5:29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
Eph 5:30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.
Eph 5:31 "FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH."
Eph 5:32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
Eph 5:33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Dating? Intimacy? How Much Is Too Much?

2007-06-28T21:40:00.000+08:00

Tim and Janice have been dating for almost a year now and the relationship couldn't have been a better blessing from God, in having each other. Both Tim and Janice have experienced failed relationships with non-Christians and want this relationship to be right. The love that they have for God has been so attractive to one another. They pray together, they also witness together and share so much in common. It was a month before they even kissed. It is like no other relationship they had ever experienced before because both of them have God first and foremost. However as they got to know one another, kissing led to hugging, then hugging was followed by being sexually aroused until eventually they ended up falling into bed and committing fornication. Now all of the things that drew them together are now jeopardized by their insecurities, lack of trust and fleshly desires for one another.

This story happens ever day where people go too far and fail to let God grow the relationship in His time.

Dating is both getting to know a person with a view that the person might be the spouse God intended for you, and letting yourself be revealed enough so that that person can be confident that God has intended you for him.

Intimacy while dating is a very tempting situation. It's like playing chess with the evil one. While most people in today's society would quickly say that kissing is harmless, if we are honest with ourselves, we know that kissing leads to other things that tempt us into sexual immorality. I turn you to Ephesians 6:12, For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

It is only human nature to feel sexually attracted to another person that we connect with on some level. However, becoming that intimate with someone not only grieves the Lord, but it also creates soul ties or oneness with the other person. While sparks may fly and you feel all tingling inside, what was once a divine connection you experienced, you also stand to lose so much because you still have a lot to learn from one another, but now you�ve allowed Satan to enter the camp.

As Christians we must understand, that God's plan is to bless us by giving us the desires of our heart. However blessings do not come through disobedience to his word and the evil one knows this, that's why he tries so hard to trip us up. When Tim and Janice started their relationship it was all to the glory of God and they were doing good works in the Kingdom by sharing His word with others. That's what God desires from us. It's also important to remember what Paul wrote in Romans 7:21, So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. Somewhere along the way, if we are not mindful, the flesh takes control. The evil one's sole mission is to conquer and divide believers. These two people who love God and are looking to unite for the purpose of furthering the work in His kingdom are targets for the evil one. Although God is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins, Tim and Janice must work backwards to set boundaries and keep His commandments.

With Christian dating, here are some tips to refrain from taking intimacy too far:

Discuss and maintain boundaries founded on God's word;
Avoid spending time alone in intimate settings during the dating process;
Make sure that God remains the number one focus by praying and sharing scriptures daily with each other and with others;
When you find that your curiosity is getting the best of you, remember that you can curse your blessing and destroy something that could be absolutely beautiful with God as the head of your lives; and
With God, ALL things are possible!

Sharing Experiences Together

2007-06-27T14:10:00.000+08:00

Sharing Experiences Together.

Sharing experiences together do not necessarily mean you have to remove yourselves physically away from home and work, it can happen anywhere, even in domestic settings. Mob the floor together, eat together, pray together, jog together, Fixing up a furniture, all these do contribute bits and pieces to the crediting of assets into your memory bank.

If you feel that both you and your partner have been getting uptight over your work, feeling stressed out and the tension is creeping into your relationship, then, wait no longer, go for a short trip, or just let go of all work stuff and head off to immerse yourselves in one common hobby or activity which you guys really enjoy.

Laugh together, have fun together, de-stress together, and fall in love again together.

Reconcile back to your spouse

2007-06-14T07:00:00.000+08:00

Eph 4:26 "BE ANGRY, AND DO NOT SIN": do not let the sun go down on your wrath,
Just as how our Heavenly Father sacrifice His son for us so as to want us to reconcile back to HIM, pray that for those who are having "com down" (short form : communication down/ silent war) due to quarrel or argument or even fighting among husband and wife.
I beseech you, look at our Heavenly Father, His heart is grieve.
For those who had a sad day yesterday, pray that our Good LORD will give you the Spirit of reconciliation to reconcile back to your love one.
Shalom

Die for her? can. Apologise to her? why should i!

2007-06-05T08:53:00.000+08:00

It is her mistake, not mine.

Recently i ask my co-worker: Hey brother, how much you love your wife? he replied seriously:"just as how Christ give His Life for the church, i will give my life for my wife" Praise the Lord. But in reality, Lord, you have to help us to live it up. And our pride have to be dealt with before we are able to do so because it is very easy to say, but to practise it out......
very, very difficult.

Just as how Bro Kian Heng shared once in the YYP meeting, as the husband is the head of the family, he is the one who has to take initiative to reconcile the relationship with his family if there are misunderstanding, quarrel and "comm down" - silent war among them.
Yeah, you may say that i was not in the wrong, why must i say sorry to my wife or my children. Remember : It was our wrong that HE died for us, and not HIS wrong.
If you apologise because you are wrong, that is right, but if you are able to apologise even though it is not your wrong, this is beyond "right", but you are doing what the head of the house hold must do, the roles of reconciliation, bring the family back to worship the Lord. Otherwise, how are you able to bring them to prayer? they may even "discount" your prayer.

Lord, You are the PEACE and MEDIATOR.

Sometime..........

2007-05-26T07:25:00.000+08:00

Sometime in our marriage, we do comes to a points where there are questions and doubts. It is fully understandable for we have all fallen.

The only answer in my view is to see things from an eternal perspective and from the standpoint of our relationship. We have the Lord. We can be filled with Him. We have a living relationship with our Creator. We know and have experienced His love. It is a living and loving relationship.

That does not mean that our marriage is problem free. In fact, it is through trials and struggles that the Lord shall refine husband and wife. This is to prepare for relationship with one another and for fellowship with our Lord, in eternity. This earth will pass. The wealth and possessions we have will not last and will be of no use when we meet the Lord.

We are indeed blessed, far more than the birds in the air, for the Lord has revealed to us His great love. He has also instituted this love relationship with us. The Lord came to be a man, and to redeem us. (Phil 2). May we enjoy the Lord, His love. God is LOVE.

The Lord has set the example. He is the author and finisher of our faith. Despite the pain and agony, He has the joy and fulfillment - because He's always with the Father, and because He did the will of the Father.

Love one another. May the Lord speak to you in His own personal way.

Our Love has grown to the next stages

2007-05-15T07:54:00.000+08:00

Praise the Lord and glory be to HIM, our love between my wife and i have grown to the next stage of our life. We "pa-tor" more often than we ever have. Usually is on Friday nite, yes, and our favorite pass time is : Food (old hawker stall where my children will not want to go).

患难see真情 become our reality. And 17th months has passed, and hardly not a single day we experience cold war or lost communication. In fact, i really thank God for giving her to me, with her, i am able serve HIM without much distraction, for i know my home is well taken care of.

From the 5 love language, identify my wife basic love language is : Quality time and touch.
For me, touch and acts of service is my basic love language.

I thank HIM for the patient and Love that HE has bestow onto us. Without HIM, we will not be enjoying our marriage in our recent months. Pray that all the married couple will enjoy their married life.

All Glory and tks to our Heavenly Father.

Bok Woon & Florence

2007-05-07T11:48:00.000+08:00

Congratulation & God Bless

Bro Bok Woon

Sis Florence

(1st May 2007)

Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4)

Be sober and be watchful.

2007-04-27T16:10:00.000+08:00

As i sit here wondering what had happened over the last 2 ½ days at Singapore Casket, i guess it is best to write it down.

It all began when i have received new that one of dear sister has committed suicide. Yes, it is due to marital problems. Having both parties to blame for the tragedy, the innocent one is always the child, the 6 years old daughter. And hearing those things that the husband had done to her, i was so angry that i do not intend to attend any of the wake services. But thank be to God, His has melt my heart. Within me i have a clear speaking from the Lord, not only attending the wake services, but i have to be there the whole day. So, i went. Both days, 10am to 10pm, at the last day,the cremation was at 11,15.

Thru out this period, i have see and heard so many things about our dear sister and her husband, and above all, seeing her dearest sister's daughter. Looking at her, gave me lots of thought. Our dear sister has brought grieved to so many hearts. Her parent, sibling, relatives, the saints and above all, her dearest daughter. The only time her tears keeping falling from her tiny eyes was after the cremation, holding her mummy photo. She know and well aware that her mummy has already gone with the Lord.

Another thought that ran thru me was :Taking care of the child, meet the parent's day for primary school, looking at other friends parent hugging them, be it in school or in the meeting hall,etc.

“Where is my mummy? I want mummy?” Loosing hugs and kisses from her mummy, Lord!!!! (this is so difficult to continue sharing) this is something that will be with her all her life.

I shall stop here, carry on will bring tears out of my eyes. So, i pray to my Lord, my God. Be merciful and Graceful to all the family. No matter what will happened or had happened or is happening between husband and wife, Lord, may Your LOVE, and not our human love, take control of our life. Only your LOVE is able to cause us to put ourselves aside, forgive one another, husband take the initiatives to apologies to the wife, and to love our children. Be sober and watchful, do not be deceived by the old serpent. Remember, he is always there readilyy to break the marriage covenant.

How far?

2007-04-25T08:39:00.000+08:00

How far do you allow your spouse to do things he/she wants to do but at the same time you are being warned by your parents, and sibling to stop he/she from doing?

I guess it goes down to bite the bullet and pray for the Lord's preservation for us to be "ONE" with our spouse. This is my experience:

Sometime early last year, where one is serving Full-Time and the other is jobless, my wife begin to put her heart and soul into one of the most potential "fast-cash" earning business, some sort of pyramid selling. She worked really hard for it. But the problem is : you have buy their products, and it is not cheap, cheapest is between US$400-US$500. Knowing that we are already in a real tight situation, i stand to support her. Although i knew that it is not easy in this business (as i have tried it out before), i chose to stay beside her and give her the fullest support as a husband.

On the other side, due to her coming home late (attending lots of presentation, and bringing her potential clients to the presentation), my mum begin to highlight to me concerning the feasibility of this business, and she want me to ask my wife to stop this business and my mum also tell her too. Now i am in between both of them. How? the only way: "Look to the Lord and pray".

Looking back the days as i was fellowshipping with my wife this morning, i guess, it is good to let someone learn a lesson. Otherwise they will not know that sometime, due to our stubbornness, pride and self-confident, we block all the advise, and they will never learn that it is good to listen to advise. I told her that there are only 2 earthly ways then:

1) Take my mother advice, stop her and of course, we will end up in a heat quarrel.
2) Just continue to give her the fullest support but as the same time, give her advice in a more tactful, careful, soft tone and nice manner way.

Many tks to HIM, i choose option(2). Even though (we) may suffer a few thousands of dollars, but in return, i hope she has learn a lesson and for me, to learn what is to be "ONE" with my wife and i can only say :
"Lord, thank you for your Grace and Mercy, it is only few thousands and not few tens or hundreds of thousand for us to learn."

This is a expensive lesson for us to learn and i believe there are more to come along the way." It may not be necessary in this area, but it may be due to house renovation (deciding colour to paint), children education (home education, tuition, selection of school), sibling (asking for monetary assistance), in-laws (giving special instructions to handle your spouse), etc.

Lord, pray for all the families and give all of us Grace, Peace, Love and Wisdom to handle each trials/ problems that comes along the way and keep us as "ONE". Thank YOU, Lord Jesus Christ.

The 5 LOVE Languages

2007-04-19T11:24:00.000+08:00

The Five Love Languages (http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/)

1) Words of Affirmation
Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Verbal appreciation speaks powerfully to persons whose primary Love Language is “Words of Affirmation.” Simple statements, such as, “You look great in that suit,” or “You must be the best baker in the world! I love your oatmeal cookies,” are sometimes all a person needs to hear to feel loved. Aside from verbal compliments, another way to communicate through “Words of Affirmation” is to offer encouragement. Here are some examples: reinforcing a difficult decision; calling attention to progress made on a current project; acknowledging a person’s unique perspective on an important topic. If a loved one listens for “Words of Affirmation,” offering encouragement will help him or her to overcome insecurities and develop greater confidence.

2) Quality Time
Quality time is more than mere proximity. It’s about focusing all your energy on your mate. A husband watching sports while talking to his wife is NOT quality time. Unless all of your attention is focused on your mate, even an intimate dinner for two can come and go without a minute of quality time being shared.

Quality conversation is very important in a healthy relationship. It involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. A good mate will not only listen, but offer advice and respond to assure their mate they are truly listening. Many mates don’t expect you to solve their problems. They need a sympathetic listener.

An important aspect of quality conversation is self-revelation. In order for you to communicate with your mate, you must also be in tune with your inner emotions. It is only when you understand your emotions and inner feelings will you then be able to share quality conversation, and quality time with your mate.

Quality activities are a very important part of quality time. Many mates feel most loved when they spend physical time together, doing activities that they love to do. Spending time together will bring a couple closer, and, in the years to come, will fill up a memory bank that you can reminisce about in the future.
Whether it’s sitting on the couch and having a brief conversation or playing together in a tennis league, quality time is a love language that is shared by many. Setting aside focused time with your mate will ensure a happy marriage.

3) Receiving Gifts
Some mates respond well to visual symbols of love. If you speak this love language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an expression of love and devotion. People who speak this love language often feel that a lack of gifts represents a lack of love from their mate. Luckily, this love language is one of the easiest to learn.

If you want to become an effective gift giver, many mates will have to learn to change their attitude about money. If you are naturally a spender, you will have no trouble buying gifts for your mate. However, a person who is used to investing and saving their money may have a tough time adjusting to the concept of spending money as an expression of love. These people must understand that you are investing the money not in gifts, but in deepening your relationship with your mate.

The gift of self is an important symbol of love. Sometimes all your mate desires is for someone to be there for them, going through the same trials and experiencing the same things. Your body can become a very powerful physical symbol of love.

These gifts need not to come every day, or even every week. They don’t even need to cost a lot of money. Free, frequent, expensive, or rare, if your mate relates to the language of receiving gifts, any visible sign of your love will leave them feeling happy and secure in your relationship.

4) Acts of Service
Sometimes simple chores around the house can be an undeniable expression of love. Even simple things like laundry and taking out the trash require some form of planning, time, effort, and energy. Just as Jesus demonstrated when he washed the feet of his disciples, doing humble chores can be a very powerful expression of love and devotion to your mate.

Very often, both pairs in a couple will speak to the Acts of Service Language. However, it is very important to understand what acts of service your mate most appreciates. Even though couples are helping each other around the house, couples will still fight because the are unknowingly communicating with each other in two different dialects. For example, a wife may spend her day washing the cars and walking to dog, but if her husband feels that laundry and dishes are a superior necessity, he may feel unloved, despite the fact that his wife did many other chores throughout the day. It is important to learn your mate’s dialect and work hard to understand what acts of service will show your love.

It is important to do these acts of service out of love and not obligation. A mate who does chores and helps out around the house out of guilt or fear will inevitably not be speaking a language of love, but a language of resentment. It’s important to perform these acts out of the kindness of your heart.

Demonstrating the acts of service can mean stepping out of the stereotypes. Acts of service require both mates to humble themselves into doing some chores and services that aren’t usually expected from their gender. However, these little sacrifices will mean the world to your mate, and will ensure a happy relationship.

Physical Touch
Many mates feel the most loved when they receive physical contact from their partner. For a mate who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can make or break the relationship.

Sexual intercourse makes many mates feel secure and loved in a marriage. However, it is only one dialect of physical touch. Many parts of the body are extremely sensitive to stimulation. It is important to discover how your partner not only physically responds but also psychologically responds to these touches.

It is important to learn how your mate speaks the physical touch language. Some touches are irritating and uncomfortable for your mate. Take the time to learn the touches your mate likes. They can be big acts, such as back massages or lovemaking, or little acts such as touches on the cheek or a hand on the shoulder. It’s important to learn how your mate responds to touch. That is how you will make the most of this love language.

All marriages will experience crisis. In these cases, physical touch is very important. In a crisis situation, a hug can communicate an immense amount of love for that person. A person whose primary love language is physical touch would much rather have you hold them and be silent than offer any advice.

It is important to remember that this love language is different for everyone. What type of touch makes you feel secure is not necessarily what will make your partner happy. It is important to learn each other’s dialects. That way you can make the most of your hugging, kissing, and other physical contacts.

Marriage Vows

2007-04-12T17:22:00.002+08:00

Marriage Vows

(Used by Registry Of Marriages, Singapore)

Back to the beginning.....................

Registrar's Address
Before you are joined in matrimony, it is my duty to remind you of the solemn and binding character of the vows you are about to make. Marriage according to law is the union of one man and one woman, voluntarily entered into for life, to the exclusion of all others.

Do I understand that you __________________ and you ________________ are here of your own free will for the purpose of becoming man and wife?
Couple answer together: Yes

To Bridegroom
Will you, __________________ take this woman ______________ to be your wedded wife, to live together in the legal estate of matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honour and keep her in sickness and in health and forsaking all others, be faithful to her, so long as you both shall live?
Answer: I will

To Bride
Will you, _________________ take this man _________________ to be your wedded husband, to live together in the legal estate of matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honour and keep him in sickness and in health and forsaking all others, be faithful to him, so long as you both shall live?
Answer: I will

The Rings (optional)

Registrar's Instructions
Take this ring and put it upon the third finger of his/her left hand and repeat after me:

In token and pledge of our constant faith and
abiding love, with this ring I marry you.

Registrar's Pronouncement
As both of you have given your consent before me to live together in matrimony and have solemnly promised, each to the other to do so, I now pronounce you two Man and Wife.

Marriage Vows

2007-04-12T17:22:00.001+08:00

Marriage Vows

(Used by Registry Of Marriages, Singapore)

Back to the beginning.....................

Covenant Marriages

2007-04-12T16:07:00.000+08:00

WHY the term Covenant Marriage?
Because it most clearly denotes the uniqueness of Christian Marriages. Covenant is a biblical term. God is a covenant-making GOD.

Covenant Characteristics:

Covenants are initiated for the Benefit of the other person.
In Covenants relationships, people make Unconditional Promises.
Covenant relationships are based on Steadfast Love.
Covenant relationships view commitments as Permanent.
Covenant relationships require Confrontation and Forgiveness.

Her needs

2007-04-02T17:02:00.000+08:00

First, let's look at the five needs of a wife. The first need is for affection. To most women affection symbolizes security, protection, comfort, and approval. When a husband shows his wife affection, he sends the following messages: (1) I'll take care of you and protect you; (2) I'm concerned about the problems you face, and I am with you; (3) I think you've done a good job, and I'm so proud of you.

Men need to understand how strongly women need these affirmations. For the typical wife, there can hardly be enough of them. A hug can communicate all of the affirmations of the previous paragraph. But, affection can be shown in many ways such as: kisses, cards, flowers, dinners out, opening the car door, holding hands, walks after dinner, back rubs, phone calls--there are a thousand ways to say "I love you." From a woman's point of view, affection is the essential cement of her relationship with a man.

The second need is conversation. Wives need their husbands to talk to them and to listen to them; they need lots of two-way conversation. In their dating life prior to marriage, most couples spent time time showing each other affection and talking. This shouldn't be dropped after the wedding. When two people get married, each partner has a right to expect the same loving care and attention that prevailed during courtship to continue after the wedding. The man who takes time to talk to a woman will have an inside track to her heart.

The third need is honesty and openness. A wife needs to trust her husband totally. A sense of security is the common thread woven through all of a woman's five basic needs. If a husband does not keep up honest and open communication with his wife, he undermines her trust and eventually destroys her security. To feel secure, a wife must trust her husband to give her accurate information about his past, the present, and the future. If she can't trust the signals he sends, she has no foundation on which to build a solid relationship. Instead of adjusting to him, she always feels off balance; instead of growing toward him, she grows away from him.

Financial commitment is a fourth need a wife experiences. She needs enough money to live comfortably: she needs financial support. No matter how successful a career a woman might have, she usually wants her husband to earn enough money to allow her to feel supported and to feel cared for.

The fifth need is family commitment. A wife needs her husband to be a good father and have a family commitment. The vast majority of women who get married have a powerful instinct to create a home and have children. Above all, wives want their husbands to take a leadership role in the family and to commit themselves to the moral and educational development of their children.

Seven Signs Of A Sick Marriage....

2007-03-27T16:20:00.000+08:00

1. When courtesies are abandoned.

2. When couples begin to think in terms of "I" instead of "We."

3. When they stop complimenting each other.

4. When stubborn silence replaced common-sense communication.

5. When they stop praying together.

6. When they fail to sense and meet the needs of each other.

7. When they fail to express love.

May the Lord help us to address these if we do see them...

A Covenant to be remembered.

2007-03-23T13:33:00.000+08:00

"Wilt thou have this man/woman to be your wedded husband/wife? To live together in the holy estate of matrimony; wilt thou love him/her, comfort him/her, honour, keep him/her, in sickness, in health, and forsaking all others, keep thou only unto him/her so long as you both shall live?"

What's so Bad about ARGUING?

2007-03-16T12:08:00.000+08:00

What's So Bad about Arguing?

Let's start at the beginning. In the dating phase of your relationship, chances are that you and your spouse were enamored with each other. You liked what you saw. You enjoyed spending time together. You could talk for hours. He or she was the most wonderful person you could imagine. In short, you were smitten. The courtship may have been long or short, but your positive feelings led you to the marriage altar, where you made a commitment "for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish, so long as we both shall live." The promises you made to each other were colossal, but at the time you fully intended to keep them. You were caught up in the current of love and it all seemed so effortless. You knew that you and your mate had differences, but you never thought that someday those differences would become divisive.

Unfortunately, the euphoric feelings of being in love have an average life span of two years. Then we come back to the world of reality, where theoretical differences become actual. Some of these differences we come to view as assets. Alan likes to cook; Nancy doesn't. She likes to clear the table and wash dishes; he doesn't. These differences make for a harmonious mealtime experience. Alan and Nancy work together as a team, each using his or her expertise for the benefit of the other. They experience the pleasure of harmony and may even express it with statements such as, "We were meant for each other," "We are a perfect match," "Life could not be better," and "I'm so glad I married you." When differences are viewed as assets, and husbands and wives work together in harmony, life is beautiful.

Other differences may become divisive. Bob likes sports and spends every Monday night watching football. Jill says, "Football is fine for the players, who are making millions of dollars by bashing their bodies against one another, but why would people want to waste their lives watching other people play a stupid game?" Surely the man she married is smarter than that.

"It's just my way of relaxing," Bob says.

"It's just your way of wasting your life," Jill replies.

"You have got to be crazy. Every man in the world watches Monday Night Football."

"Only the losers."

"Look, I work five days a week. Give me a break and let me watch football on Monday nights."

"Sure you work. So do I. But how about us? Why can't we spend a night together? It's football, baseball, basketball, car races. And if nothing else is on, you watch that dumb wrestling. There's never any time for us." Jill starts to cry and walks out of the room. Bob turns off the TV and now the real fight begins. Monday Night Football gives way to a verbal boxing match. Before the evening is over, Bob and Jill will argue themselves into an intense state of unhappiness.

What did an evening of argument accomplish? Some might say, "Nothing," but that answer would be naive. The argument accomplished a great deal. For one thing, it created greater emotional distance between a husband and wife who now view each other as an enemy rather than a friend. Each feels the other is unreasonable and, perhaps, irrational. Not only that, but they have also stimulated feelings of hurt, anger, and resentment, and troubling questions are rushing to their minds:

"What has gotten into him?"

"What is her problem?"

"I can't believe the things she said."

"How could he be so cruel?"

"What happened to our love?"

"Have I married the wrong person?"

They may even end up sleeping in separate bedrooms that night, or lying stock still and rigid in the same bed as they silently replay the argument in their minds. Yes, the argument accomplished a great deal. Unfortunately, the accomplishments were all destructive.

Perhaps the only positive thing that came from the argument was that Bob and Jill identified a point of conflict in their marriage. He discovered that she intensely dislikes his watching Monday Night Football, and she discovered that he finds great pleasure in watching football on Monday nights. But because the argument did not resolve the conflict, it now stands as an emotional barrier between them that will affect the way they process their relationship. Now, every Monday night, Bob will watch television with a conscious awareness that he is displeasing his wife. And every Monday night, Jill will say to herself, "He loves football more than he loves me. What kind of husband is that?"

We'll come back to Bob and Jill later, but first let me clarify what I mean by the word argue. It is a word that is best known in the legal arena, where attorneys present arguments to show that a defendant is either guilty or not guilty. These arguments are statements made by the attorneys based on available evidence. They are designed to appeal to a jury's sense of logic and reason. The implication is clear: Any reasonable person would agree with my argument. On occasion, an attorney may also appeal to the emotions of a jury by presenting aspects of the case designed to stimulate empathy for the attorney's argument.

In a courtroom, arguments are perfectly permissible. In fact, cases could not be tried without arguments from both sides. Both attorneys present evidence and their interpretation of the evidence, seeking to convince the jury that their position is the correct one. Witnesses can be cross-examined, and implications can be challenged. The judicial system is based on the assumption that by means of argument and counterargument, we are likely to discover the truth about guilt or innocence.

We all know that the cause of justice is not always served in the courtroom, but at least the case is resolved. Defendants who are found not guilty go free. Defendants who are found guilty may pay a fine, be placed on probation, or go to prison, depending on the severity of the case. Or the case might be appealed to a higher court, in which case more arguments would be presented at each level of appeal until a final judgment is handed down. In every case, somebody wins and somebody loses. Occasionally, one might hear an attorney make a statement such as, "I thought our arguments were good, but apparently the jury was not convinced." Or the winning attorney might say, "We made our case. The arguments were solid, and I think the jury recognized the truth."

When you choose to argue with your spouse, you are electing to use a judicial system to convince your spouse of the truth or validity of your position. Unfortunately, what works fairly well in a court of law works very poorly in a marriage relationship, because there is no judge available to determine whether you or your spouse is "out of order." Arguments quickly become charged with emotion and you may end up yelling, screaming, or crying; pouring out words that assassinate your mate's character; questioning his or her motives; and condemning his or her behavior as unloving, unkind, and undisciplined.

When you argue, your objective is the same as it would be in a courtroom: You want to win the case. You want your side to be vindicated and your spouse to be found guilty of your accusations. This is what is so gravely harmful about arguments. They ultimately lead to one of three results: (1) You win and your spouse loses; (2) you lose and your spouse wins; or (3) you argue to a draw. When an argument ends in a draw, both spouses are losers. Neither one is convinced by the other's arguments, and both parties walk away disappointed, frustrated, hurt, angry, bitter, and often despairing of hope for their marriage.

None of these outcomes is good. The winner may feel good for a few moments or a few days, but eventually, living with the loser becomes unbearable. The loser walks away from an argument like a whipped dog that goes away to lick its wounds. It's not a pretty picture, but it's a common experience. In fact, it's so common that we have a saying for it: "He's in the doghouse." Being in the doghouse means that one spouse has incurred the displeasure of the other and must live at a distance until he or she can once again find the spouse's favor. When conflicts are not resolved and both spouses walk away with stinging words of rebuke and condemnation ringing in their ears, they will typically withdraw from each other emotionally and hope for a better day. If a better day does not come in time, they may eventually seek a "better partner" or resign themselves to the coldness of a winter marriage.

Any victory won by means of an argument will be short lived. The loser will eventually come back with a new argument (or an old argument restated) in an effort to persuade his or her spouse. But the renewed argument will also end with a win, lose, or draw verdict. So you see, arguments never resolve anything; they only reveal conflicts. Once a conflict is revealed, a couple must find a way to resolve it with dignity and with respect for the other person. I believe there are thousands of couples who would like to learn how to resolve conflicts without arguing. That is the purpose of this book.

* * *

EPILOGUE

The ideas I have shared in this book were not devised in an ivory tower. They grow out of thirty years of listening to couples who have spent hours arguing and have come to the point of desperation. They come from more than forty years of experience in my own marriage. What I have shared with couples in counseling, I have now shared with you. But I am fully aware that knowledge alone is not enough. In order to be helpful, knowledge must be applied to life. Now that you have read the book, I want to challenge you to read it again, this time with your spouse. (You've already seen that the chapters are short, so you know we're not talking about a great deal of time.) Share your answers to the questions at the end of each chapter. Your answers will reveal your thoughts, feelings, and desires related to the topic of the chapter. Then, as conflicts arise in your marriage, seek to apply the principles you have read and discussed with each other.

Argumentative patterns from the past will not die quickly, but you can learn a better way. It will take time and effort, but it is effort well invested. If the two of you can learn to resolve your conflicts without arguing, you will experience the joy of working in harmony as a team. This is what marriage is all about: a husband and wife using their unique ideas, emotions, and desires to strengthen each other's lives. Resolving conflicts in a healthy manner deepens a marriage relationship. You can learn to resolve conflicts without arguing.

If you find this book helpful, I hope you will share it with a friend. If you have stories to share with me, I invite you to select the Contact link at www.garychapman.org.

Some Thoughts Worth Remembering

* When you win an argument, your spouse is the loser. And we all know it's no fun to live with a loser.

* Arguments accomplish a great deal. Unfortunately, the accomplishments are all destructive.

* As surely as you can learn to ride a bicycle, drive a car, or use a computer, you can learn how to resolve conflicts.

* The answer to conflict resolution is not in seeking to rid ourselves of our differences

Thank you

2007-03-13T10:35:00.000+08:00

All the sudden my wife said to me " thank you ". All because i have shared a point to a couple where we visited them on Sat afternoon. It was mend for them and never had i realized that she has enjoy those sharing and i thank God that my Good Lord has spoken to her.

But what i enjoy most was that she said to me "thank you". Sound simple, you tried and say thank you to your spouse. And if you can do it without any difficulty, Praise the Lord, continue in that good work. But if you cannot do it, well.............

JUST DO IT. It feel very good when my wife said "thank you" to me. Glory be to GOD! By HIS Grace, We are working and enjoying our marriage.

Well, as for me, Hmmmmm.......what i can say is i am trying too. (why? Pride get in the way).
It is easy for me to thank God, thank saints, but to thank my wife? To my surprise, i find it rather difficult to do so.

Help me , Lord Jesus.

Obey His Voice !

2007-03-07T18:38:00.000+08:00

Jer 7:23
But this is what I commanded them, saying, 'Obey My voice, and I will be your God, and you shall be My people. And walk in all the ways that I have commanded you, that it may be well with you.'

One of those sweet testimony

2007-03-02T16:19:00.000+08:00

The Secret to a Lasting Marriage: Embrace Imperfection

Deb Graham

Contributor

When I was a little girl, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.

On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and extremely burned toast in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his toast, smile at my mom, and ask me how my day was at school.

I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that toast and eat every bite! When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the toast. And I’ll never forget what he said: “Baby, I love burned toast.”

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his toast burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, “Debbie, your momma put in a hard day at work today and she’s real tired. And besides—a little burnt toast never hurt anyone!”

In bed that night, I thought about that scene at dinner…and the kindness my daddy showed my mom. To this day, it’s a cherished memory from my childhood that I’ll never forget. And it’s one that came to mind just recently when Jack and I sat down to eat dinner.

I had arrived home late…as usual…and decided we would have breakfast food for dinner. Some things never change, I suppose!

To my amazement, I found the ingredients I needed, and quickly began to cook eggs, turkey sausage, and buttered toast. Thinking I had things under control, I glanced through the mail for the day. It was only a few minutes later that I remembered that I had forgotten to take the toast out of the oven!

Now, had it been any other day -- and had we had more than two pieces of bread in the entire house -- I would have started all over. But it had been one of those days and I had just used up the last two pieces of bread. So burnt toast it was!

As I set the plate down in front of Jack, I waited for a comment about the toast. But all I got was a “Thank you!” I watched as he ate bite by bite, all the time waiting for some comment about the toast. But instead, all Jack said was, “Babe, this is great. Thanks for cooking tonight. I know you had a hard day.”

As I took a bite of my charred toast that night, I thought about my mom and dad…how burnt toast hadn’t been a deal-breaker for them. And I quietly thanked God for giving me a marriage where burnt toast wasn’t a deal-breaker either!

You know, life is full of imperfect things…and imperfect people. I’m not the best housekeeper or cook. And you might be surprised to find out that Jack isn’t the perfect husband! He likes to play his music too loud, he will always find a way to avoid yard work, and he watches far too many sports. Believe it or not, watching “Golf Academy” is not my idea of a great night at home!

But somehow in the past 37 years Jack and I have learned to accept the imperfections in each other. Over time, we have stopped trying to make each other in our own mold and have learned to celebrate our differences. You might say that we’ve learned to love each other for who we really are!

For example, I like to take my time, I’m a perfectionist, and I’m even-tempered. I tend to work too much and sleep too little. Jack, on the other hand, is disciplined, studious, an early riser, and is a marketer’s dream consumer. I count pennies and Jack could care less! Where he is strong, I am weak, and vice versa.

And while you might say that Jack and I are opposites, we’re also very much alike. I can look at him and tell you what he’s thinking. I can predict his actions before he finalizes his plans. On the other hand, he knows whether I’m troubled or not the moment I enter a room.

We share the same goals. We love the same things. And we are still best friends. We‘ve traveled through many valleys and enjoyed many mountaintops. And yet, at the same time, Jack and I must work every minute of every day to make this thing called “marriage” work!

What I’ve learned over the years is that learning to accept each other’s faults - and choosing to celebrate each other’s differences - is the one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting marriage relationship.

And that’s my prayer for you today. That you will learn to take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your married life and lay them at the feet of Jesus. Because in the end, He’s the only One who will be able to give you a marriage where burnt toast isn’t a deal-breaker!

Deb Graham, is active in Christian retailing where she manages a mega church bookstore. She is a contributor to various publications in that industry. She also serves on the board of directors for the National Religious Broadcasters, FamilyNet TV Network and PowerPoint Ministries. She and her husband, Jack are the parents of three grown children and have one grandson.

Truth often hurts

2007-03-01T09:10:00.000+08:00

In a relationship, truth often hurts but they are also needful for strengthening the bond.
Knowing oneself and understanding our partner bears seasonal fruits of much joy and tears – however bitter sweet – it must bring us closer to God and our Lord’s unconditional love..."

Lord, how i need to spread this words to more saints..............at the end, may i stress again, IT MUST BRING US (HUSBAND & WIFE) CLOSER TO GOD AND OUR LORD'S UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

Glory be to HIM!.

Fatigue and Rest

2007-02-22T20:59:00.000+08:00

Key verses
Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The LORD is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. The LORD upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down. (Psalm 145:13-14)

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When I’m running on empty, my husband helps fill my tank, and he checks me if I’m taking on too much. I do the same for him. Perhaps what a mate can do best is provide comfort, a place of welcome and solace when the discouragement piles up. One of us can send the other to bed early and say, “Get some sleep and don’t worry about a thing. I’m praying for you.”

I’m almost always too busy. But God sends people to help fill me up so I’m no longer simply running on fumes. Now I’m trying to learn to look for God’s provision in all things, to keep my sensors out to feel his hand brushing me, and that’s something we all can do – before we run out of gas.

The world tells us that busyness is good, that the most successful people are those who learn to live with little sleep and can accomplish fifty things in a day. But God says something else. Are we listening?

Author: Elizabeth Cody Newenhuyse

Which one do you belong to?

2007-02-19T11:02:00.000+08:00

Talking about communication, we can identify 4 unhealthy patterns of communication. Pray that we are not either one of them. There are :

The Four "Fowls"

Dove : "I Want Peace at ANY Price".
Hawk : "It's Your Fault".
Owl : "Let's Be Reasonable".
Ostrich : "Ignore It and It Will GO Away."

Nothing shall be separate us from the love of God

2007-02-12T14:55:00.000+08:00

Rom 8:38-39
For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

APPRECIATION

2007-02-07T21:31:00.000+08:00

Paul and Timothy, bondservants of Jesus Christ, to all the saints in Christ Jesus who are in Philippi, with the bishops and deacons: Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy, for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ; just as it is right for me to think this of you all, because I have you in my heart, inasmuch as both in my chains and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers with me of grace. For God is my witness, how greatly I long for you all with the affection of Jesus Christ. And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God. Philippians 1:1-11

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If you had only five minutes to express your appreciation to your spouse, what would you say to him or her? Reflect on your spouse’s character qualities, achievements, skills and talents, and the special things he or she does for you. When you have completed your list, consider putting it in the form of a letter or poem and give it to your spouse. Or keep your list and use it to give your mate one honest compliment each day in the coming week.

- Dave and Claudia Arp.

It all began .........

2007-02-02T14:19:00.000+08:00

It all began with a "Need", followed by "Prayer", followed by a "Choice - Decision" and it end with "Consequence". All decision will comes with a consequence.

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS PRAYING FOR THE RIGHT PERSON AND LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON THAT OUR LORD JESUS HAS GIVEN TO YOU.

Deu 8:2-10
"And you shall remember that the LORD your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. So He humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the LORD. Your garments did not wear out on you, nor did your foot swell these forty years. You should know in your heart that as a man chastens his son, so the LORD your God chastens you. "Therefore you shall keep the commandments of the LORD your God, to walk in His ways and to fear Him. For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and springs, that flow out of valleys and hills; a land of wheat and barley, of vines and fig trees and pomegranates, a land of olive oil and honey; a land in which you will eat bread without scarcity, in which you will lack nothing; a land whose stones are iron and out of whose hills you can dig copper. When you have eaten and are full, then you shall bless the LORD your God for the good land which He has given you."

It take yearssss for me and my wife to be "today" and we thank God for the goodness that He has given us. Yes, we go thru UP and DOWN, just as how He allowed the children of Israelite to go thru hunger, HE also allowed us to go thru some difficult time, be it a short time or a period of time, and we have already walked 12 years of marriage and we are still walking and together with HIM. HE will continue to teach, guide us till the day we learn to humble ourselves. If my wife and i do not learn the lesson of humility before one another, how can we say we can humble before the Lord? and not just humility, but also obeying His commandment and give HIM all our heart.

And YES, i truly believe that we have to labour in love, but how? but there is one thing i know is that if you do not abide in HIM, it is very tiring to "labour" for love, it will not last, sometime you will get very frustrated especially you do not see the result. Sorry, i do not know how to put it in word. You need the conviction from the Lord. Only then, will you find the JOY of laboring even you may not see the result, remember, it is more blessed to give than to receive.

Abide in HIM is to surrender yourself fully on HIM, yeah it might sound doctrinal, but this is the reality. YOU have to let the Lord to mould both of you till both of you see all things as "ONE". Indeed they are many things my wife and i have not see in common, but thru communication and abiding in the Lord, we learn to see as "ONE".

Not our Goodness

2007-01-30T07:20:00.000+08:00

Key Verses

So He said to him, “Why do you call Me good? No one is good but One, that is, God. But if you want to enter into life, keep the commandments.”
(Matthew 19:17)

But you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. Now if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he is not His. And if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you. Therefore, brethren, we are debtors—not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.
(Romans 8:9-14)

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Bob and I were married in the middle of World War II. After a short honeymoon we began a year-and-a-half-long “paper marriage” while Bob returned to war in the Pacific.

I wrote often and passionately of my love. Then Bob came home and I had to begin living out what I had sincerely, but naively, portrayed in my letters. Bob quickly got to know the selfish, immature, not-so-good wife who had never shown up in our wartime correspondence.

As my hopes of appearing good faded, my longing to be good grew. Bibles verses haunted me. For example: Proverbs 31:12. “She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” The other verse that caught my attention was in Matthew 19, where Jesus asks, “Why do you call Me good? No one is good but One, that is, God…” (v.17).

During the years we were neck-deep in raising four children, Bob and I were struggling in our relationship. We were disappointed – in ourselves, and in each other. A study of Romans began to reveal the fact that God’s Spirit lived in us. In all our years as Christians, neither of us had heard a message on the Spirit of God! We hadn’t realized that God wanted to express His goodness in and through us.

We began to lean on the in-dwelling God to change us, and our marriage was transformed. The understanding that we could live out of God’s resources changed the dynamics of how we related to each other. Now we both want to demonstrate the loveliness of Jesus in our lives, and we know he will help us do that.

To Ponder….

What makes it impossible for spouses always to “look good” to one another?
How can you come together in depending on God to bring “goodness” into your relationship?

Enjoy the Movie clip - Love (1 Cor 13)

2007-01-29T14:40:00.000+08:00

http://www.dayspring.com/movies/view.asp?moviename=loveverses.swf

Not forgetting to love our Lord Jesus Christ.

2007-01-29T14:03:00.000+08:00

"Therefore know that the LORD your God, He is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and mercy for a thousand generations with those who love Him and keep His commandments;"
Deu 7:9

Why we need the Word of GOD!!

2007-01-21T21:49:00.000+08:00

The Word was GOD
John 1:1
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

Made you WISE for SALVATION
2Tim 3:14-17
But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing
from whom you have learned them, and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.

BREAD OF LIFE
John 6:48
I am the bread of life.

I was sharing with Bro Kian Heng that we have to FULLY depend and trust our Lord Jesus Christ for strength, mercy and loving kindness if we are seriously taking up the roles of taking care of the married couple (be it newly, after married for many years, or even those who are getting married this year), cause the evil ones will attack our Bro family first. Somehow, the evil ones will want to distract us by using all ways for us loose heart in this "IMPORTANT" service. Lord Jesus Christ! YOU MUST help us and save us! And one of the weapon that we have to keep close to us is:

The SWORD of the SPIRIT
Eph 6:17b
and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God;

So i thank God that HE see so much further than we see, i believe Bro Kian Heng do not know that our Lord has the purpose to have someone to pass this "devotional bible" for his marriage 10 years ago was also for this purpose. Not only for his marriage, but also for other marriages of the saints. To help, edify, strengthen, prayer etc..... for all the saints. Lord! Praise YOU and Adore YOU!.

GLORY BE TO HIS NAME

2007-01-21T08:47:00.000+08:00

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ,

My wife and I received the “Couples’ Devotional Bible” as a wedding gift from a beloved brother. That was 10 years ago. It is the best gift ever because of the ever living Word of God.

Over the next few months, I hope to share excerpts from the devotional bible which I've found to be encouraging and helpful. The following is the first of the series.

It is the prayer of brother Kok Yong and mine that our marriages be further strengthened by the Word of God, bringing glory to our Lord.

Love in Christ,
kh

Break the Cycle

Key Passage: Genesis 45: 1-15

Then Joseph could not restrain himself before all those who stood by him, and he cried out, “Make everyone go out from me!” So no one stood with him while Joseph made himself known to his brothers. And he wept aloud, and the Egyptians and the house of Pharaoh heard it.Then Joseph said to his brothers, “I am Joseph; does my father still live?” But his brothers could not answer him, for they were dismayed in his presence. And Joseph said to his brothers, “Please come near to me.” So they came near. Then he said: “I am Joseph your brother, whom you sold into Egypt. But now, do not therefore be grieved or angry with yourselves because you sold me here; for God sent me before you to preserve life. For these two years the famine has been in the land, and there are still five years in which there will be neither plowing nor harvesting. And God sent me before you to preserve a posterity for you in the earth, and to save your lives by a great deliverance. So now it was not you who sent me here, but God; and He has made me a father to Pharaoh, and lord of all his house, and a ruler throughout all the land of Egypt. “Hurry and go up to my father, and say to him, ‘Thus says your son Joseph: “God has made me lord of all Egypt; come down to me, do not tarry. You shall dwell in the land of Goshen, and you shall be near to me, you and your children, your children’s children, your flocks and your herds, and all that you have. There I will provide for you, lest you and your household, and all that you have, come to poverty; for there are still five years of famine.”’ “And behold, your eyes and the eyes of my brother Benjamin see that it is my mouth that speaks to you. So you shall tell my father of all my glory in Egypt, and of all that you have seen; and you shall hurry and bring my father down here.” Then he fell on his brother Benjamin’s neck and wept, and Benjamin wept on his neck. Moreover he kissed all his brothers and wept over them, and after that his brothers talked with him.

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We are told in Genesis that “a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife.” Yet if they come out of an unhealthy family background, that is, an upbringing that may have included alcoholism, verbal abuse or other chronic problems, they will have a hard time following this biblical mandate.

My dad was an alcoholic, and my parents were divorced. I never met my father until I was in high school, and then I hated him for many years after that. When I became a Christian, I knew it wasn’t right to feel this way, so I buried my hatred. But when I got married, the strong negative feelings were still there, and they started to surface and poison my relationship with my wife. It wasn’t until she confronted me about the way I was treating her that I began to work through the real issue – my unresolved anger toward my dad.

I harbored a lot of hatred toward my dad, but in resolving those feelings, I learned for a real lesson in forgiveness, and that in itself has been a priceless gift. It broke the unhealthy cycle and opened the way to begin a healthy cycle of family relationships.
(Author: John Trent)

Marriage builders
How has forgiveness been constructive in your marriage?
What issues in your relationship might be resolved through forgiveness?

3 second and a lifetime.

2007-01-19T15:16:00.000+08:00

"It takes 3 seconds to say "I love you".
3 hours to explain it and,
A lifetime to prove it."

Power of Touch and Give

2007-01-17T14:23:00.000+08:00

"Men need to get their ego stroked to know they are loved. Women need expression/assurance of love to know they are loved."

Agreed?

Just by stroking on our ego, we will know that we are loved, just by providing expression/assurance of love, they will know that they are love. Is this "the ONLY" essence to the success of marriage?

Stroking by the wife + Provision of expression/assurance of Love = LOVE

Not sure? do not think so? pls do not judge so early. In order for us to agreed or disagreed with the above formula, you have to try it.

Give a thought, wives, how to "stroke" your husband ego? how to provide the expression/assurance of LOVE to your wife, husband?

For Wife
Definition of "stroke" (by New Collin Dictionary) : to touch, brush, or caress lightly or gently.
My experience : I fully agreed. Men need the touch of Love (do not estimate the Power of Touch, sister), look at our Lord Jesus on earth, He himself is the "Touch of Love". He has touch the eye of sinner that they may see, many were saved by His touch.

For Husband
Definition of "expression" (by New Collin Dictionary) : the act or an instance of transforming ideas into words.
Do not tell your wife : "already husband and wife, still need to say "i love you", so old fashion....." Brothers, you have to tell your wife "verbally, soft and clear: I Love You". Hopefully it's not just one a year during your wedding anniversary.

Definition of "assurance" (by New Collin Dictionary) : a promise or pledge of support; freedom from doubt; certainty.
That is why communication comes into pictures," doubt" comes when there is lack of communication and often we replaced it with "Presumptuous". Result : Argument due to misunderstanding, isn't that our experience most of the times? Just like the Assurance of Salvation, once we are saved, WE ARE SAVED! of course our Lord has paid the price for His church, HIS LIVES. Likewise, we, husband not only we have to assure our wife our marriage vow before God and before men, we also have to give ourselves to our wife in order to win her confidence and trust.

May our Good Lord Jesus blessed all His children.

Love the heart!!

2007-01-16T12:24:00.000+08:00

Love the heart that hurts you,

but

never hurt the heart that loves you.

Biblical Success in Marriage

2007-01-12T09:43:00.000+08:00

Biblical Success comes when you….

1. let your fear of God determine your attitude toward your spouse
2. understand and celebrate the roles of a man and woman in marriage
3. follow through on your responsibilities
4. stay committed to your marriage no matter what
5. treat your spouse with courtesy and esteem, experience Level 3 communication, spend time together, deal with conflict, trust one another and create romance.

Prayer for True Success

Father, we want to do marriage right. We know that this is very close to Your heart. We know that marriage is a precious gift, so help us treat it with honour and respect every day. Help us to love our spouses with a sacrificial love that honours You. Though we fail, You give grace. Allow us to take and turn it to you in our marriages for Your glory. We ask this in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Courtesy begin at home.

2007-01-09T15:44:00.000+08:00

Create Romance? create COURTESY first. This is something most of couple lost gradually in their love life. Why? we have taken one another for granted. In fact, we treat our colleague, friend, much more better than our spouse. The way we talk, the way we conduct ourselves is totally different.
We have to treat our spouse as how we treat our friend and colleague, we have to learn to be courteous to one another, do not think that : "Aiyah, not problem, afterall we are husband and wife, she is ok, would not get angry.......", if you fall under this category, pls apologized to your love one, because you have already hurt your spouse even without knowing it.
That is the reason why we find it easier to share our problems with our close friend than our spouse, because many a times when you want to share sometime to your spouse, your spouse may reply : "i busy now, can't you see what i am doing, you have no eye to see what i am doing.............." instead of : "I am so sorry, dear, can you give me a second, let me settle this, and i will get back to you, k?"
Husband and wife is so close that they became "ONE", which also mean that they are even closer than friend. So, please be courteous to one another. Be wise in your speech, your spouse are your best friend and best colleague. Treat them well.

Godly Success in Marriage - Part 10

2007-01-07T10:21:00.000+08:00

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ,

The following concludes our sharing from chapter 10 of Tommy Nelson's "The 12 Essentials of Godly Success". Keep a look-out for our next series!

Action 7: Create Romance

I’ve never met a man who married a woman because he looked at her and said, “Now, that woman can keep a house.” No woman said,” That’s the mechanic I’ve prayed for all my life.”…You looked into her eyes, and she melted your heart. At some point, you leaned over to her and said those words,” I love you.” And it went so deeply into her heart that you wanted to get married right there. It felt so good to let somebody in so completely to your heart. That’s why you got married.

But you did it then as an instinct. You have to do it now was a discipline. By that I mean you have to be affectionate with your mate. Husbands, touch your wife affectionately, not in a sexual way but to show her you care. Wives, you don’t have to wear the nightgown that was handed down from your mother and her mother before her. It’s a great poncho, but you can buy something else. It means that you can sit on your husband’s lap and look into his eyes and tell him “thank you.”

My wife has a custom. I don’t know where she got it, but I say “hallelujah.” When a man’s been out of the house for a while and then comes home, she thinks he needs at least a ten-second kiss from his wife. That’s a marvelous custom that we have. I guarantee that will put some steam in your stride when you come through the door.

We need affection from our spouses. Husband, do you tell your wife that you love her? Tell her you love her, show her affection…Husbands also need to realise that acts of service are romantic…Put the dishes in the dishwasher. Straighten up things around the house. Help your wife put the kids to bed. Do acts of service.

Summary

Biblical Success comes when you….

1. let your fear of God determine your attitude toward your spouse
2. understand and celebrate the roles of a man and woman in marriage
3. follow through on your responsibilities
4. stay committed to your marriage no matter what
5. treat your spouse with courtesy and esteem, experience Level 3 communication, spend time together, deal with conflict, trust one another and create romance.

Prayer for True Success

Father, we want to do marriage right. We know that this is very close to Your heart. We know that marriage is a precious gift, so help us treat it with honour and respect every day. Help us to love our spouses with a sacrificial love that honours You. Though we fail, You give grace. Allow us to take and turn it to you in our marriages for Your glory. We ask this in Jesus’ name. Amen.

I made my mother-in-law happy.

2007-01-03T16:28:00.000+08:00

It is a story of 5-6pcs of Large Pork-Chop.

Last Sat evening, after the young people co-ordination, i went to pick my family in my in-law house at around 10pm. Upon seeing me, knowing that i love her "Pork Chop", she asked me if i had my dinner, i replied : "Yes". But seeing her keeping the "Pork Chop" and a bowl of rice, i changed my mind and i told her : Ok, i will have my dinner again, and yes, u guess it all right, I "FINISHED" the Pork Chop and you can see her smiling face.

That is one of the ways that you can pleased your mother-in-laws. Of course, it sound funny, but it is life, every mother love to be praised in their cooking. Don't you agreed?

But of course, we are still praying for her salvation. And this will be the greatest joy that we can give her.

Finally!!!!!! We prayed together as a family.

2007-01-03T16:20:00.000+08:00

Dear children,

Remember 29th Dec 2006. This is the day that our Lord finally answered Papa and Mummy prayer. That is to pray together as a family.

That evening, the Lord Jesus just opened the way, and we have a wonderful prayer together. And if you will see this email in years to come........................... Remember and remember: You have to bring your own family to God in prayer.

Love,
papa and mummy.

Find Time to communicate with your spouse

2006-12-28T21:08:00.000+08:00

After so many years of fetching my wife to and fro from her works, I came to realized that this is the best time where both of us are able to chat without any interference. Be it in the train or in the car, it just me and my wife, "focus" communication, cause the moment we step home, our attention will be upon our children or other matters, you simply do not have time till the next possible "slot".

The next possible "slot" will be before both of you sleep, therefore if you have project or any assignment that required you to work real late, go and spend some good quality time chatting with your spouse first before you continue your assignment. One thing that you have to know brother, is that sister loves to speak about her daily living, especially with regards to her works.

So, lend your ears to one another, the more you talk, the more you understand one another. The more you understand one another, the more you care for one another, the more you care for one another, the more you will pray and love one another, this is my experience, as we have to work out our salvation, likewise, we also have to :

Work out your Marriage !

Staying Power

2006-12-26T21:49:00.000+08:00

I was reading Stu Weber’s “Tender Warrior – God’s Intention for a Man”, and much encouraged by what he mentioned on the need for “staying power”. Here is what he says:

“The ability to make and keep promises is central to manhood. It may be trite to say that “a man’s word is his bond” but it is never trite to see it in action. It is a man at his best – giving his word and making good on it, making a promise and keeping it. The calling of every man is to offer stability to a world full of chaos. Certainty to a jungle of unpredictability. Consistency to a world of flux. Security to an insecure place.

We live in a “hope so” world. There are few certainties in this life. Ours is a world of dreams, hopes, and wishful thinking. Everyone “hopes” their ship will come in...

Promise making and keeping is at the heart of godliness. At the heart of God – at the very core of His nature – is the making and keeping of promises. All the Scripture hangs on the promise – a series of covenants. A man’s promise is an awesome power…

Staying power. The bottom line? Stay with it, man. Stick by your commitments. Stand by your promises. Never, never let go, no matter what.

When marriage isn’t fun…stay in it.
When parenting is over your head…stay at it.
When work is crushing your spirit…don’t let it beat you.
When your children let you down…pick them up.
When you wife goes through a six-month mood swing…live with it.

Understand that the heart of staying power is SACRIFICE – giving one’s self up for the good of another. For the ultimate example of staying power, our eyes have only to lock in on the Lord Jesus Christ. When He could have turned away from the cross, He stayed on course, setting His face like a flint, all the way to Calvary. When He could have come down from the cross and sidestepped the suffering, He stayed. When He could have summoned armies of angels to deliver Him and called down divine air strikes on His adversaries, He stayed. He persevered and “stayed under” all the way until that moment came when He could cry out, “It’s finished!”.

kh

Few things that i am still observing.......

2006-12-23T08:17:00.000+08:00

Praise the Lord for His Mercy and Grace. It is important to trust one another cause many times things happen when some 'gossiper' come to you telling you : "Hello, i saw your hubby having dinner with a woman", "bro, i saw your wife walking with a guy" etc........ . And that how easily the devil cast a doubt in you.

I have been observing a few things all these years and i think that it is advisable for you to observe too.

Do not dine with an opposite sex if necessary, as for me, my wife only allow "Lunch time ONLY", no dinner with another lady, be it sister in Christ, colleague or business clients. So if you have to arrange a "makan", pls arrange it during lunch time. And if you have to arrange it during dinner time, you must inform your spouse. Inform him/her the location and who are you dining with. This is to prevent giving a place for the evil one to work.
If you have to send a sister in Christ home from the meeting, she has to sit at the rear. Yes, it sound ridiculous especially asking you to be a driver where u have to swallow your pride. But it worth it, trust me.
Try not to fellowship/talk with another sex in a enclosed room. If you have to, keep the door open. Alway chat at the open space where there are "witness" around.

Trusting take a life time to learn (new job that require entertainment, new enviroment, new team to work with, etc), but it take every effort to shortened the lesson of trusting one another. The more communication you have with your spouse, the quicker you learn to know and trust your spouse. My wife talk to me everyday, the more she talk to me about her daily affairs, the more i know her, and knowing who she is with everyday, i fully trust her.

Isn't it similar of how we need to trust the Lord....... . Talk to Him everyday, you want know that He is a Trustworthy God.

Shalom

Godly Success in Marriage - Part 9

2006-12-22T21:26:00.000+08:00

Action 5: Trust One Another

Marriage needs trust. Don’t make unwise overtures and create emotional intimacy with people of the opposite sex. Your spouse will worry and for a good reason. Don’t have lunch alone with a member of the opposite sex. If your wife ever says to you that she feels like another woman is getting too close, don’t argue. If your husband ever says he wants you to stop talking so much with another man, listen to him. You can’t betray the trust of your mate.

But you also shouldn’t doubt your mate for no reason. I have had people in my congregation who have been burdened by an unnecessary jealousy. Now if some guy gets too close to my wife, I would be jealous. That’s not a bad thing. God is jealous for his bride.

But if I call home from San Antonio and my wife isn’t there, and I call again at ten o’clock and she isn’t there, I don’t come home and say to this woman who has given me no reason to ever doubt her, “Where were you? Who did you see? Who were you with? Who was it?” That’s just plain wicked. There is no reason in the world for me to doubt my wife.

Frankly, when I see a man who is continually suspicious and wounding the heart of his spouse, my thought is, You have some serious issues. Were you foolish enough to marry someone you can’t trust? Or have you grown doubtful because of sin in your own heart? Unfounded jealousy will eat away at the core of a marriage. You have to trust your mate.

-------------------

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (I Cor. 13:4-7).

Surprise ! it's for you darling.

2006-12-18T23:01:00.000+08:00

When is the last time that you have get a gift for your loved one? a month ago, a year ago............
If you have not do so, i guess it is about time to get a gift for your loved one. It can be a gift via sms saying : I love you, darling, or a bible verse via Email saying : God is LOVE, or even a pair of ear rings that cost $2.90. Or even a 2007 calendar for Godly women in the bible or Godly man in the bible.
Do not belitttle all this tiny mini effort, it does contribute to the the success in your marriage. It speak of your heart of love for your spouse. It implies that in your busy schedule, you still have the heart for him or for her, of cause, pls pray before you buy, made sure that you have ask our Lord Jesus, the God of LOVE as to which gift, by what mean to reach your spouse.
Lastly, remember to pray continually for your spouse and your children.

Bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh

2006-12-11T08:13:00.000+08:00

Gen 2:23
Then the man said, "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man."

Godly Success in Marriage - Part 8

2006-12-10T23:52:00.000+08:00

Action 4: Spend Time with Each Other

When couples are dating, many of them want to reserve 6:00 pm until 2:00 am everyday to be together. And anything that threatens that time is seen as an inconvenience. If you’ve dated, you know what I am talking about. You went to a movie by yourselves. You are together, talked together…

When you get married, it is different. Much of your time is spent doing all the things you have to do to keep a family going. You can become like two old mules yoked together. “Ah, there you are, Sally. Ready to start pulling? Better get going – we got about fifty years of this ahead of us.”

The danger is that after a few job changes, illnesses, kids, operations… you become two Marines back to back. “It’s your turn to take the kids.” You just get tough, like old partners, who lean on each other. In one sense, that’s OK. I always tell young couples, “Don’t think marriage is a continual fount of effervescence and joy. A huge part of marriage is just being there for one another no matter how you feel.”

But marriage is more than that. Marriage is also meant to include delight and intimacy and joy. Those aspects of our relationship are built when we spend time together. So every Wednesday night, my wife and I go out. And when I say “go out”, I don’t mean we run down to Wendy’s. I mean I vacuum the car, brush my teeth, take her out, sit across from her and spend time together. Make it a priority, prepare for it, and treat it as an opportunity and a challenge. Guess what? Once you build the habit, it becomes fun and you’ll never want to do without it. Your children will boast about your tenderness into the next generation.

A "Date" tree and a "Honey" tree.

2006-12-10T16:24:00.000+08:00

A "Date" tree was talking to a "Honey" tree : Hi, how about a "date", "Honey"?. This was shared by a brother in the church camp. Although it's just a simple joke, but it is very meaningful......especially for those who have married for years. I believed you have already forgotten about "dating" your wife. And if you have children, I dare not even think of it, because, just like my mother use to say: "who will take care of the children? go another day lah", and "THAT" day will never come.

A "Date" is where you and your spouse ONLY spend some time together, be it a 2 days 1 nite holiday, a simple dinner, a couple spa, or going to a church meeting together (and sit together). It is the time where you and your spouse have a good time together. Enjoy the companion of each other without having your children around that you have to turn your attention to.

Sound simple? well. Do it then.

And as for me, i am looking forward to "that" day where i can date my wife, because she has a free buffet dinner voucher. Pray for each other, 1Th 5:17 pray without ceasing, pray that our Lord will give us abundant grace to every family and to every newly wed saints. May our Lord teach us how to nourish and cherish our spouse and be able to rule our house well.
1Ti 3:5 (but if a man knoweth not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)

Congratulation to Bro Kai Seong and Sis Hwee See

2006-12-07T08:34:00.000+08:00

Congratulation

Kai Seong
&
Hwee See

May this matrimony bloom
As they testify
Of Christ and the church
With Christ portrayed by the groom
The church by the bride:
The epitome of love on earth

My dear, may this bond we share
Braced with love and care
Remains steadfast and sure.........
For love is the gift so great
From Christ our Head,
Who rules sovereign in our lives.

My groom, may this life we share,
From today declare:
How Christ has loved the church.
Our home may it glorify
Daily magnify................
The One in whom we love the best.

My friends, may this couple show
Of Christ love for you,
In its highest splendor.
The love which He has bestowed
Ever dear and true -
Redeems us now and forever.

(Chorus)
His Love is the greatest love of all,
Let it dwell within our hearts
Manifested in our home:
May His Peace and Joy be seen by all
In this synergy of lives
As the two as one become.

(This hymn was written by my beloved brother Kai Seong on my love feast 12 years ago, and may this hymn become our reality. Glory be to HIM)

Godly Success in Marriage - Part 7

2006-12-01T22:44:00.000+08:00

Action 3: Communicate

In any relationship, you have to talk and you have to listen. We have to talk sweetly and deeply and easily and often. And then we have to listen carefully to truly hear what our partner is saying.

You need more than Level 1 communication. Level 1 communication acknowledges that the other person exists. “How are you doing?” “Pretty good.” “Have a nice day.” It’s the way you’re spoken to when you pick up a burger at Wendy’s. That’s fine for fast food, but you don’t want to have a drive-through marriage.

Level 2 communication is the exchange of information, “How are you doing?” “Well, actually, I’ve got a little sinus drainage this morning.” Level 3 communication shows concern about you as a person. “How are you doing?” “I have some sinus drainage.” “I am sorry to hear that. You know what? Let’s pray about it. God loves you.”

That’s Level 3 communication and that is why people get married. It’s why they fall in love. When they dated, they went to restaurants and sat across the table and looked into each other’s eyes. There they talked of deep things and listened well. And they didn’t hurt one another. They got close, and there was acceptance and celebration and bonding. And they said, “Man, I need forty more years of this.” That’s why we fall in love in the first place.

Unfortunately, that which was an instinct while you were dating has to become a discipline in marriage. It takes time to listen and to communicate. One practical idea for a married couple is to have couch time. Make time every day to sit down with your mate and face each other on the couch. When the kids come along, you say, “Scoot, scoot, scoot. Mom and Dad are talking here.” Don’t think you’re going to psychologically damage your child; nothing could be more gratifying to your child to know the solidity of Mom and Dad’s relationship.

Perhaps you need to institute a date night. Wednesday night is our date night. Every Wednesday, I get to go to a quiet place and just enjoy being with Teresa. When I was young, I thought I would get to the place where I’d know her so completely we’d go through life staring blankly at each other. Now I realize she’s like a spring; there are new things constantly coming up from within her that I want to know. Her experience of life filters through her and I love it. We have to communicate.

Like many men, this was hard for me. The area of communication was a place where I was weak. I had to learn to listen. There was a time when my wife grabbed my cheek and said, “Listen with your face.” Just like that, she made me listen to her. I was a bad listener because I was trying to process information. We think we have the ability to watch ESPN, do the checkbook, and listen to our wives talk about their struggles all at the same time. “Um, that’s tough…keep going…I’m here for you, baby, I’m here.”

Women are interested in a lot more than just the exchange of information. Most of the time, they know the answer before they ever ask you the question. To have a godly marriage, you have to communicate and listen.

Reacting to Conflict

2006-11-30T08:11:00.000+08:00

What's the first thing you do when you have conflict? How do you react when your mate hurts you? This is where marital problems start...like in tennis, rallying over the net back and forth when they get hurt. Listen, when you're hurt there's something in you in the image of GOD, like a tuning fork, and it goes off and whenever you reciprocate in anger you initially don't feel wrong. You feel right. You feel holy. You feel just. You feel nigh unto deity. You feel that you have weighed out the good/evil problem in the cosmos and you have subdued it. But the fact is you have taken a prerogative that is not yours. It's God's.

- adapted from TN's post

Bro Say Kin & Sis Shi Min Wedding, 30th Nov 2006

2006-11-28T16:00:00.000+08:00

Congratulation & God Bless

Bro Say Kin

Sis Shi Min

LORD JESUS, grant that my spouse and I may have a true and understanding love for each other. Grant that we may both be filled with faith and trust. Give us the grace to live with each other in peace and harmony.

MAY we always bear with one another’s weaknesses and grow from each other’s strengths. Help us to forgive one another’s failings and grant us patience, kindness, cheerfulness and the spirit of placing the well-being of one another ahead of self.

MAY the love that brought us together grow and mature with each passing year. Bring us both ever closer to You through our love for each other. Let our love grow to perfection.

Amen.

In the morning ........

2006-11-28T08:40:00.000+08:00

Hug and Kisses is all you need .............one of the secret of loving in your marriage.

I am very angry ! but how long can i be angry with her?

2006-11-26T21:53:00.000+08:00

Eph 4:26 :"Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,", this verse came to my rescue, lest i would not be able to come to the Lord's table.

i was very mad and angry with my wife over certain issues last night. If things were to go wrong, i may even lose 1 if not 2 of my sons. sorry, due to certain sensitive issue, i cannot share further.

So how to esteem her after i read this week topic with regards to "esteem my wife"?

But after much thought, i have to confess, perhaps i should have more faith in her to take care of my children, cause it is not my children, but "our" children, pehaps i do not have enough faith in my Good Lord taking care of my children.

Lord, i put my trust in YOU. Teach me how to trust my wife and give me a heart of forgiveness to forgive my wife. Pray that i may able to throw my anger away before the sun go down. And together, to run the Heavenly Race.

God bless all married saints.

Godly Success in Marriage - Part 6

2006-11-24T13:42:00.000+08:00

Action 2: Esteem Your Spouse

We show our spouses that we value them. Esteem is how we communicate to people their distinctive worth, how wonderful they are. The woman in the Song of Solomon said, “I am the rose of Sharon, the lily of the valleys” (Song of Sol. 2:1). The lily and the rose are flowers of singular beauty. That’s how her betrothed treated her. She said to him, “My beloved is to me a pouch of myrrh which lies all night between my breasts” (Song of Sol. 1:13).

To her, he was like perfume that she would wear around her neck, his memory close to her heart all night. That’s the way we need to treat each other in marriage.

Charles Spurgeon, the great preacher of London, referred to his wife as “Sweety.” She referred to him as “Tirshatha,” which is a Hebrew word in the book of Nehemiah for “governor”. (I said to my wife, “I like that: ‘governor’ has a nice ring to it”.) Treat your spouse biblically, like you treat your own body.

Men should nourish and cherish their wives, like Christ treats His church. Treat her like a king would treat his crown. When I see a man disrespect his wife, I don’t care how smart or how successful he is, he has fallen way down in my sight. If a man makes minimum wage and treats his wife with dignity, he has integrity and is worthy of respect.

The same thing is true for woman. I feel embarrassed when I hear a woman deride her husband in public. It’s embarrassing, degrading and inappropriate. There is nothing a man wants more from his wife than respect. “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord…Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her”
(Eph 5:22,25).

Sometimes when men read this, they think of Christ’s torture, execution, and death. They get ready to die in some terrible way for their wives. The reality is that there probably won’t be a time in most men’s lives when somebody says, “It’s you or your wife.” Rather than being so chivalrous on your dying day, how about being kind and considerate every day? Instead of dying for your wife, why don’t you die to yourself and be kind and tender to your wife? Die for her one hour at a time.

Learn to Listern....

2006-11-23T09:30:00.000+08:00

Whenever a woman comes and says, "I'm trying to talk to my husband. He won't listen." That's the most terrified that a woman gets. She doesn't need a perfect man but she needs a guy that's perfectible. And fellas if you're one of these guys that's never wrong, and you're never going to listen, and you think it's going to assert male pride by dominating this woman and that's the head of your house to do it, you can forget that! Men that go to crosses to die for those they love, that's the way you love your wife and you turn and you listen to her. And when she says, "I've got a problem," you get out your pen and say "Yes" and you write it down and you take good notes. And ladies the same way, when he's hurt then you listen.

- T Nelson

I'm Sorry, dear.

2006-11-21T09:44:00.000+08:00

I'M SORRY “I'm sorry.” For some reason this seems especially hard for guys, simple YET ......................... And even if you do, we don't say them nearly as often as we should.
Good manners demand that you say, “I'm sorry” whenever it is needed. Unfortunately, many couples don't recognize when it is needed.

These two words are not a cure-all for bad manners, but they certainly don't hurt.

Being polite is simply an effort to be kind, show respect, and treat others in the way they most desire to be treated. Wales sums it up this way: “Where there is love, there are manners.” And let me add this: Where there are good manners, there is the potential for a great marriage.

1Co 13:4-7
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

The LOVE Verses

2006-11-18T11:53:00.001+08:00

http://www.interviewwithgod.com/lovemovie/index.htm

Godly Success in Marriage – Part 5

2006-11-17T13:47:00.000+08:00

For the past month, we have looked at four foundational beliefs on which a godly marriage rests on. The fear of God, an understanding of roles, following through on responsibilities, and an undying commitment – are these present in your marriage? If not, pray and ask God to change your heart and mind.

On top of the foundation of these four beliefs, biblical success in marriage comes through seven actions. We shall go though them over the next few weeks.

Action 1: Courtesy

Courtesy draws out a response of kindness. When you are courteous, a great marriage will follow. When you are discourteous, I don’t care how wonderful you try to be, every other thing you do in marriage will be seen as hypocrisy. Do you know that?

One woman said to me, “At this point I don’t really care if my husband is romantic. I just want him to be civil.” Be careful to be courteous in how you speak to your mate, how you listen to them, how you refer to them, or how you touch them. If you’re discourteous, a love note will be viewed with contempt and passionate sexuality will come across as manipulation. If you are discourteous, bringing home money to take care of your wife is seen as superficial atonement.

Courtesy means that you treat them in a courtly way. Men treat woman gently – as a vessel made of china, porcelain, or crystal.

Have you ever gone out in public with a couple who is discourteous in how they speak to each other? It’s embarrassing, isn’t it? Have you ever been out with a couple who is very kind in how they speak and listen and touch and refer? It is so edifying and uplifting.

If you are not careful, you can begin to take each other for granted and start going through the emotions. We forget to soften our words and actions with kindness. We can just get into habits of discourtesy.

I am so glad that Teresa and I began early on with a godly intolerance of discourtesy. So whenever I am harsh with her, she has a way of letting me know. She’ll say, with her voice pitched just the right way, “Was that rude?” Pause. “I think it was.” That’s when I know I better step back and get my heart right and show her some courtesy.

And then there are times that I will say to her, “Teresa, what did you just say? Was that critical? It sounded critical.”

“Oh, no. It wasn’t critical.”
“OK, that’s good, ‘cause I thought it was critical.”

And so we have a way of keeping each other smooth. It’s sort of like trimming your big toenails so you won’t stab your mate. There needs to be a holy discontent with discourtesy in your union.

If I introduced you to a famous person, like George W. Bush, what would you do? You’d offer him your hand and look him in the eyes and treat him as a dignitary. Yet within about fifteen seconds, he’ll forget your name – just like you would forget his if the roles were reversed. So why would we treat him with such courtesy, and yet treat our spouse with discourtesy? She’s the woman who has gone through labour for us. He’s the man who goes out in the pit every day for us. Practice the discipline of courtesy.

Verses for meditation

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. (1 Peter 3:8)

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. (Galatians 5:22,23)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a)