Godly Success In Marriage

Godly Success in Marriage - Part 7

Action 3: Communicate

In any relationship, you have to talk and you have to listen. We have to talk sweetly and deeply and easily and often. And then we have to listen carefully to truly hear what our partner is saying.

You need more than Level 1 communication. Level 1 communication acknowledges that the other person exists. “How are you doing?” “Pretty good.” “Have a nice day.” It’s the way you’re spoken to when you pick up a burger at Wendy’s. That’s fine for fast food, but you don’t want to have a drive-through marriage.

Level 2 communication is the exchange of information, “How are you doing?” “Well, actually, I’ve got a little sinus drainage this morning.” Level 3 communication shows concern about you as a person. “How are you doing?” “I have some sinus drainage.” “I am sorry to hear that. You know what? Let’s pray about it. God loves you.”

That’s Level 3 communication and that is why people get married. It’s why they fall in love. When they dated, they went to restaurants and sat across the table and looked into each other’s eyes. There they talked of deep things and listened well. And they didn’t hurt one another. They got close, and there was acceptance and celebration and bonding. And they said, “Man, I need forty more years of this.” That’s why we fall in love in the first place.

Unfortunately, that which was an instinct while you were dating has to become a discipline in marriage. It takes time to listen and to communicate. One practical idea for a married couple is to have couch time. Make time every day to sit down with your mate and face each other on the couch. When the kids come along, you say, “Scoot, scoot, scoot. Mom and Dad are talking here.” Don’t think you’re going to psychologically damage your child; nothing could be more gratifying to your child to know the solidity of Mom and Dad’s relationship.

Perhaps you need to institute a date night. Wednesday night is our date night. Every Wednesday, I get to go to a quiet place and just enjoy being with Teresa. When I was young, I thought I would get to the place where I’d know her so completely we’d go through life staring blankly at each other. Now I realize she’s like a spring; there are new things constantly coming up from within her that I want to know. Her experience of life filters through her and I love it. We have to communicate.

Like many men, this was hard for me. The area of communication was a place where I was weak. I had to learn to listen. There was a time when my wife grabbed my cheek and said, “Listen with your face.” Just like that, she made me listen to her. I was a bad listener because I was trying to process information. We think we have the ability to watch ESPN, do the checkbook, and listen to our wives talk about their struggles all at the same time. “Um, that’s tough…keep going…I’m here for you, baby, I’m here.”

Women are interested in a lot more than just the exchange of information. Most of the time, they know the answer before they ever ask you the question. To have a godly marriage, you have to communicate and listen.

posted by Lighthouse @ 10:44 PM