Godly Success In Marriage

Godly Success in Marriage – Part 5

For the past month, we have looked at four foundational beliefs on which a godly marriage rests on. The fear of God, an understanding of roles, following through on responsibilities, and an undying commitment – are these present in your marriage? If not, pray and ask God to change your heart and mind.

On top of the foundation of these four beliefs, biblical success in marriage comes through seven actions. We shall go though them over the next few weeks.

Action 1: Courtesy

Courtesy draws out a response of kindness. When you are courteous, a great marriage will follow. When you are discourteous, I don’t care how wonderful you try to be, every other thing you do in marriage will be seen as hypocrisy. Do you know that?

One woman said to me, “At this point I don’t really care if my husband is romantic. I just want him to be civil.” Be careful to be courteous in how you speak to your mate, how you listen to them, how you refer to them, or how you touch them. If you’re discourteous, a love note will be viewed with contempt and passionate sexuality will come across as manipulation. If you are discourteous, bringing home money to take care of your wife is seen as superficial atonement.

Courtesy means that you treat them in a courtly way. Men treat woman gently – as a vessel made of china, porcelain, or crystal.

Have you ever gone out in public with a couple who is discourteous in how they speak to each other? It’s embarrassing, isn’t it? Have you ever been out with a couple who is very kind in how they speak and listen and touch and refer? It is so edifying and uplifting.

If you are not careful, you can begin to take each other for granted and start going through the emotions. We forget to soften our words and actions with kindness. We can just get into habits of discourtesy.

I am so glad that Teresa and I began early on with a godly intolerance of discourtesy. So whenever I am harsh with her, she has a way of letting me know. She’ll say, with her voice pitched just the right way, “Was that rude?” Pause. “I think it was.” That’s when I know I better step back and get my heart right and show her some courtesy.

And then there are times that I will say to her, “Teresa, what did you just say? Was that critical? It sounded critical.”

“Oh, no. It wasn’t critical.”
“OK, that’s good, ‘cause I thought it was critical.”

And so we have a way of keeping each other smooth. It’s sort of like trimming your big toenails so you won’t stab your mate. There needs to be a holy discontent with discourtesy in your union.

If I introduced you to a famous person, like George W. Bush, what would you do? You’d offer him your hand and look him in the eyes and treat him as a dignitary. Yet within about fifteen seconds, he’ll forget your name – just like you would forget his if the roles were reversed. So why would we treat him with such courtesy, and yet treat our spouse with discourtesy? She’s the woman who has gone through labour for us. He’s the man who goes out in the pit every day for us. Practice the discipline of courtesy.



Verses for meditation

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. (1 Peter 3:8)

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. (Galatians 5:22,23)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a)

posted by Lighthouse @ 1:47 PM