Maintaining Communcation
There will be times in your relationship where, instead of sharing your feelings and trying to resolve differences, you'll be tempted to ask yourself, "Why bother?" Don't make that mistake. Maintaining communication with your spouse will take patience and persistence. And talking about patience and persistence, we need Christ to be in our marriage. With HIM in us, are we able to bear the fruits of the Spirit :
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law". (Gal 5:22-23)
Never assume that silence or indifference is preferable to conflict. It's not. As long as you and your spouse are interacting and trying to resolve your differences, there's hope. When you stop talking, hope dies. Keep your relationship on the front burner. Neglect your relationship and you'll poison your intimacy. It is by talking and listening that we learn to work together as a team, and that's what a growing marriage is all about.
Is just the beginning
Too many couples view marriage as the finish line of their relationship. They work and work to make it to their wedding day, then sit back and wait for "happily ever after" to begin. If doing nothing is your strategy for keeping love alive in your relationship, you're in trouble. The wedding is the first step, not the final one. To make your relationship work over the long haul, you need to put the same kind of time, energy, and effort into it after the wedding that you did when you were dating. Do you remember some of the things you did when dating? Did you give gifts? Did you speak to each other kindly? Maybe it's time to ask your spouse, "Of all the things that I did when we were dating, which would you most like for me to do now?"
Eph 5:33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Liiving together requires adjustments
If you entered marriage believing that you could merge lives effortlessly, the first thing you need to do is change your expectations. The truth is, living together requires many adjustments.
Remember this is not like trying to put up with a college roommate or the person splitting the rent in your apartment, where you can choose to ignore minor irritations or strange habits until the end of the lease. This is your life partner, the one you vowed to stay with until death. And not just stay together, but build an intimate relationship. This week we'll talk about bringing two lives together in harmony.
It's the Little Things
You found out he snores like a lumberjack. She squeezes the toothpaste in the middle. He thinks Burger King and laser tag are the ingredients of a romantic evening. She sings the wrong lyrics to every song on the radio.
The key to working through such irritations is to keep them in their proper perspective. Don’t let small things become big problems. Remind yourself that these are not life threatening problems. If we can find solutions, fine. If not, we can live with them. Here’s a plan for requesting change. Tell your spouse three things you like about them and then make one request. For example: “If possible, could you please get the hairs out of the sink when you finish?” I'll advise you not to request change more than once every two weeks.
Where's my "Happily Ever After?"
Too many couples view marriage as the finish line of their relationship. They work and work to make it to their wedding day, then sit back and wait for “happily ever after” to begin. If doing nothing is your strategy for keeping love alive in your relationship, you’re in trouble. The wedding is the first step, not the final one. To make your relationship work over the long haul, you need to put the same kind of time, energy, and effort into it after the wedding that you did when you were dating.
Do you remember some of the things you did when dating? Did you give gifts? Did you speak to each other kindly? Maybe it’s time to ask your spouse, "Of all the things that I did when we were dating, which would you most like for me to do now?"
