What is Love & Red Flag
A)Just to continue what Bro Kian Heng has shared:
1) Firstly, Bro Kian Heng mentioned : Love does not seek its own
1Co 13:4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
1Co 13:5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;
1Co 13:6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
1Co 13:7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
1Co 13:8 Love never fails.
2)Secondly, he mentioned not to made/commit that 3 words to your partner easily, i thought he would mentioned “Pls marry me”, instead he mentioned “I Love You”. But i guess, many of us would have said more than hundreds of times “I Love You” before we comes to propose to our loved one, right? So have we taken this 3 words “ I love You” lightly.
So, what is Love: Our Definition of LOVE.
The American Heritage Dictionary defines love as "an intense affection for another person based on familial or personal ties". Often this "intense affection" stems from a sexual attraction for that other person. We love other people, or we say we love other people, when we are attracted to them and when they make us feel good. Notice that a key phrase in the dictionary definition of love is the phrase "based on". This phrase implies that we love conditionally; in other words, we love someone because they fulfill a condition that we require before we can love them. How many times have you heard or said, "I love you because you are cute;" or "I love you because you take good care of me;" or "I love you because you are fun to be with"?
Our love is not only conditional, it is also changeable,fickle. We love based on feelings and emotions that can change from one moment to the next.
Husband & Wife
Wife:
Eph 5:24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Husband:
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,
Eph 5:28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.
Eph 5:29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
B)Red Flag:
Any relationship will have its difficulties, but sometimes those difficulties are indicators of deep-rooted problems that, if not addressed quickly, will poison your marriage. If any of the following caution signs exist in your relationship, we recommend you fellowship with the elderly or serving ones..
He/She is overly-dependent on parents for finances, decision-making or emotional security.
He/She shows a pattern of dishonesty, rationalizing questionable behavior or twisting words to his or her benefit.
He/She exhibits patterns of physical, emotional or sexual abuse toward you or others. If he or she has ever threatened to hit you or actually struck you, this is a warning sign of future abuse. If he or she puts you down or continually criticizes you, this is a sign of emotional abusiveness.
He/She displays signs of drug or alcohol abuse: unexplained absences or missed dates, frequent car accidents, the smell of alcohol or strong odor of mouthwash, erratic behavior or emotional swings, physical signs such as red eyes, unkempt look, unexplained nervousness, etc.
He/She displayed a sudden, dramatic change in lifestyle as you began dating. (He or she may be changing just to win you and will revert back to old habits after marriage.)
Divorces increased in 2006
Number of marriages, divorces increased in 2006: Statistics Dept
(By S Ramesh, Channel NewsAsia | Posted: 24 July 2007 1856 hrs)
SINGAPORE: Marriages and divorces were both higher last year compared with 2005, said the Department of Statistics.
23,706 marriages were registered last year against 22,992 in 2005 - showing a 3.1 per cent increase. Of these, 3,945 marriages were registered by the Registry of Muslim Marriages.
However, the overall number of marriages is still lower than the annual average registered in the 1990s - which stood at 24,800.
The Department said men in the 25 to 29 age group, and women aged 20 to 24 experienced the largest fall in marriage rates last year. And the delay in the timing of marriage occurred among grooms and brides of all educational groups.
In 2006, those with primary or no education were the oldest to get married; and the median age at first marriage for this group was 40 years for non-Muslims and 33 years for Muslims.
Meanwhile, re-marriage has become increasingly common, with 17 per cent of grooms and 15 per cent of brides remarrying last year. As for the divorce rate, the Department noted that younger married persons aged 20 to 24 registered the highest rate last year.
Their divorce rate also showed the largest increase over the past ten years.
Among male divorcees last year, the largest number came from the 35 to 44 age group, while for the women it was the 25 to 34 age group.
Last year, 10 years for non-Muslims. 84 per cent of non-Muslim divorced couples last year were predominantly Chinese, a figure which is on par with a decade ago. - CNA/yy
Preparation before Marriage
It all begin with: Can we buy a house? Dear, will you marry me? Darling, can you be my helpmate? Or I guess it is time for us to settle down. Isn't it?
Marriage is instituted by God and is honourable among all, therefore we need to take the steps of marriage seriously. (Heb 13:4)
A. Spiritual Aspects
And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men. (Luke 2:52)
1. Pray and seek together diligently before God
“But as for me, I would seek God, and to God I would commit my cause” (Job5:8)
Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. (Psa 37:5)
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. (Pro 3:5-6)
To seek fellowship with parents and elderly saints.
My son, hear the instruction of your father, And do not forsake the law of mother; for they will be a graceful ornament on your head, and chains about your neck. (Proverb 1:8-9)
B. Practical Aspects - (Fantasy vs Reality)
1. Emotional and psychological readiness
“To live together in the legal estate of matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honour and keep him in sickness and in health and forsaking all others, be faithful to him, so long as you both shall live?”
I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. (Phil 4:12)
2. Financial stability (Need and Want)
Wedding Photo Package, Dowry, Dinner, Thanksgiving, Accommodation.
For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. (Matt 6:32)
3. Relationship with future in-laws
4. Planning for children
But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. "Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. (Eph 2:15)
5. Marriage Ceremonial Rites
“To live together in the legal estate of matrimony?
you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, (Exodus 20:5)
Oh come, let us worship and bow down; Let us kneel before the LORD our Maker. (Psa 95:6)
“In like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing,” (I Tim 2:9)
6. How to handle differences of opinion in marriage preparations
“submitting to one another in the fear of God.” (Eph 5:21)
C. Purpose of the R.O.M. and Thanksgiving Meeting
On the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. (John 2:1)
This beginning of signs Jesus did in Cana of Galilee, and manifested His glory; and His disciples believed in Him. (John 2:11)
1. Registration of the marriage in accordance to the laws of the country
a. To fulfill all righteousness:
But Jesus answered and said to him, “Permit it to be so now, for thus it is fitting for us to fulfill all righteousness.” Then he allowed Him. (Matt 3:15)
b. To fulfill all legal requirements:
Marriage Solemniser’s Address
“Before you are joined in matrimony, it is my duty to remind you of the solemn and binding character of the vows you are about to make. Marriage according to law is the union of one man and one woman, voluntarily entered into for life, to the exclusion of all others.”
Therefore submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake, whether to the king as supreme. (I Pet 2:13)
c. God is Witness:
“Yet you say, "For what reason?" Because the LORD has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant.” (Mal 2:14)
2. To rejoice with all the saints, relatives and friends (John 2:1-11; I Cor 12:26)
“And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honoured, all the members rejoice with it.” (I Cor 12:26)
3. To Glorify God & His Goodness
“Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has made herself ready.” (Rev 19:7)
I will praise You, O Lord my God, with all my heart,
And I will glorify Your name forevermore.
(Psa 86:12)
Clarify before you 'JUMP'
LKY's definition of "JUMP" : Angry, furious, comm down-stand for communication down between spouse.
Last week in our group fellowship we have touched concerning how quick we have react over certain things with our spouse even before clarify. For eg: after coming home late from work, all you see was a note on the fridge saying :Hi honey, can you pls vacuum and mop the floor, i have to attend a meeting. What is your reaction, would you "jump"? telling yourself, after a long day at work, i still have to do all these, what had she been doing the whole day? the more you reason, the more you will get angry, is just like the boiling water, waiting to be boiled.
Looking back my experience, it was a nice evening that i have the time to pick up my wife from work, and so i called her and arranged to pick her at certain time, so to give her surprise, i bought some snack, knowing she always skip her dinner. What happened? 10 mins passed, 30 mins passed, almost an hour late. Start to call her, did not pick up my line, within me, from a cool water, now began to boil...........
And when i see her, all i say is : "why so late................., follow by comm down". How often we have made this "grave" mistake. So i learn, nowaday, if i am going to pick her, firstly, i must have a prepared mind that she might be late and secondly, i have to clarify with her before i "Jump" and let the evil one comes between us.
This is part of the package of "Marriage". Do not self-interpret the situation, but clarify with your spouse.
Bernard & Ee Han
Congratulation & God Bless!
Bro Bernard & Sis Ee Han
(07/07/2007)
Eph 5:17 Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.
Eph 5:18 And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit,
Eph 5:19 speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord,
Eph 5:20 giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
Eph 5:21 submitting to one another in the fear of God.
Eph 5:22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Eph 5:23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.
Eph 5:24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,
Eph 5:26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,
Eph 5:27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
Eph 5:28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.
Eph 5:29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
Eph 5:30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.
Eph 5:31 "FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH."
Eph 5:32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
Eph 5:33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
