How to say "I Love U"
There are so many differences when it comes to the way we communicate, think, feel, respond and relate to one another, not to mention the entire set of emotions and hormones that the male gender seems to be without! It makes it very challenging when we want to tell each other those precious words “I love you”.
Becoming One
I know that God created marriage to be something very sacred and special for a man and woman to share. Genesis 2:24 and Ephesians 5:31 state, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh.” Unity is defined as “a state of being one; harmony; agreement, uniformity; combination of separate parts into a connected whole- one!” To become one, I definitely needed to ask myself what God was saying in these verses. To find the full definition of unity requires reading the owner’s manual and all the operating instructions of the ultimate Inventor and Creator. I am referring of course to the Bible.
There are many ways to tell your spouse that you love him but the greatest love language is prayer. Now I am not talking about “God please change him/her.” This is not love language and not how God intended us to pray. In Matthew 7:1,3,4 (NIV) Jesus says: “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye’, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?” We all have our faults and weaknesses but they are for us to personally address with God as He convicts each of us of the things in our hearts and lives that we need to allow Him to change.
“Lord, please change me.”
So, what kind of prayers am I referring to? I am speaking of the kind of prayers that ask God to change me. “Dear LORD, please, I need your help. Change me, I pray. Change how I respond to my husband/wife when I am tired or cranky. Fill me with Your Holy Love that I may be the husband/wife You created me to be that I may have the desire and love for him/her that You intended for husbands and wives to share in unity. Help me to know his/her needs, being sensitive to all that is going on in him/her each and every day. Grant me understanding and patience. Show me where I need to change to be a godly husband/wife, pleasing You, LORD.”
Next, ask God to bless your spouse- all areas of his/her life including his/her hobbies and interests. Make the effort to know these things about him/her. The exception of course being anything that does not fall in line with scriptures and God’s will for believers. Praying such prayers for your husband/wife is powerful and will impact your marriage in ways that you cannot imagine. As you spend time praying, you enter into the Presence of God allowing Him to fill you with His Spirit of Love. The incredible thing is that you will also notice God at work in your spouse’s heart because of this. When you share with your spouse how you have been praying for him/her, it will speak powerfully to his/her heart and he/her will hear your words of “I love you”.
Little things count too
1 John 3:18 (NIV) says, “Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” The focus in our marriage should not be “what can my husband do for me?” but rather “what can I do for my husband?”.
Romans 12:10 (NIV) says, “Honour one another above yourselves.” This is selfless love which not only builds up a marriage but creates a generous giving attitude that I promise you will effect your husband and your marriage in ways beyond description. Again, this is because God empowers these attempts to give of ourselves, pouring out His blessings to the receiver but also to the giver (you and I) as His Spirit moves in and through our efforts. This is not something that comes naturally to us in our humanness but as we choose to be this way, God will do amazing things.
There are things I can do to make my spouse’s busy day less busy or show him that I appreciate him. Ideas on how to do this usually come very easy to my mind when I ask about his/her day the evening before. My mind set may be, “Well, he isn’t asking about my day or what my tomorrow is like” but I need to remind myself that it is not about his attitude. God is working on my attitude and I am called to put others first, before myself.
As I allow God to change me, I will witness God at work in and through this as He also influences those around me. Allowing God to fill me with His Spirit of Love will result in an outpouring from me into the lives of those I am connected with especially those closest to me. I know from personal experience as you surrender yourself to God, your spouse will hear and know the words “I love you.”
God wants to be our leverage in living, empowering us to love better, be more grateful for those we love and more enthusiastic about our faith.
In conclusion, let us ask God to be the leverage we need in being more confident in who you are, more in tune with those you love. God bless.
Godly Success in Marriage - Part 2
Part 2
Belief 2: Understand and celebrate the roles of a man and woman in marriage
This is not a popular subject, but the farther we stray from biblical truth, the more of a mess we make in our society. Both the husband and wife have dogmatic commands from God as to who they are to be and what they are to do within marriage. In every environment – whether on the job, in a game, or in a home – everyone needs to know their roles before you start.
As to marriage, God has spoken very clearly. Adam is created first and then Eve. Adam is called the head. Eve is called the body.
Husbands are called the head of their wives as Christ is to the church; and wives are called to submit, to willingly place themselves underneath the wing of their husbands. Husbands lead; wives have input, give opinions, or lovingly challenge, but wives follow. You can’t have two masters, and God has said that males lead.
After working with men and women for twenty-five years, all the notions of the radical feminists don’t wash. Every woman who has a passive, lackadaisical husband is frustrated.
If you are a woman reading this book, give me a minute before you throw it in the fireplace. How is a man supposed to lead biblically?
He should love his wife like Christ loved the church. The way to lead is to die. A man should daily give up his life for this woman that God has so graciously given him. That’s the way you lead. In all my years I have known very few women who had a problem submitting to a man on a cross.
Those are the rules. If you’re a man, you might be saying, “Tom, can we reverse those, please? How about if I let her run things and I’ll be submissive.” No, God’s edicts fit perfectly with the constitution of men and women. The husband should sacrificially lead and the wife should be respectful.....
Questions for discussion:What happens in a marriage when spouses forget their roles or responsibilities? Has this ever happened to you? What did you learn?
Verses for meditation:“
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. “ (Ephesians 5:22-33)
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Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. " (Colossians 3:18-19)
The 'Root' of almost all Marital Problems
Not exercising the "ONE FLESH" principle in marriage is the cause of almost all marital problems.
Mar 10:8 "and they shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two but one flesh.." Isn't it so?
2 strong 'self-centered' husband and wife (be it before married or after married) discussing the following matters :
1) Frequency of visiting your parents-in-law after marriage? one a week? one a month?
2) Having a grand dinner or just a luncheon for immediate family members?
3) To rent a house or to stay with the in-laws?
With all my 12 years of experiences in my married life, i can go on and on and on with tons and tons of questions which can easily lead the couple from a "
i think..." response to "
why don't u listen to me" to "
hey, i am the husband" to "
ok, u do what you want, i don't care" to "
i told u, don't listen to me, serve u right" and ending up with "
silent war - radio silent/coms down (army term)".
Salvation to a good, strong marriage:
It is good for those who are going to get married or who want to get married to know the roles of husband and wife in the
eyes of God. Of course, this blog is
not to scare u. Rather, we want to seek the Lord's wisdom that is from above to help us build our marriage.
Eph 1:17 "that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him". As we seek Him thru His Word, surely, we will be heading for a good, strong, enjoyable and a wonderful married life which in return,
we can set a pattern for the younger ones.
Pro 12:4 An
excellent wife is the crown of her husband,
Pro 31:11 The heart of her husband
trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
Pro 31:28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he
praises her:
1Co 11:3 But I want you to understand that the
head of every man is Christ,
the head of a wife is her husband,
and the head of Christ is God.
Eph 5:23 For the
husband is the head of the wife even as
Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
Eph 5:33 However, let each one of you
love his wife as himself, and let the
wife see that she respects her husband.
Pro 19:14 House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the LORD.
Luk 17:32 Remember Lot's wife.
So, let us learn to obey the words of God!!
See you next week for more words of encouragement.
My Prayer before the Lord Jesus Christ.
Dearest Bros and sisters in Christ,
On Friday evening, bok woon & I (kok yong) went to visit Sis Jennifer's dad who is in Tan Tock Seng. What touches me the most is not so much of the presence of the children (Alvin & Jennifer), but the Tender Loving Care (TLC) of Jennifer's mother toward her husband. Her touch on rubbing oilment for him, her look at him and the patience of accompanying him, gave me the prayer to my Lord..... Lord, help me to learn to love, treasure and care for my wife till we part.
GOD is LOVE!
the secret of loving your wife is to love the Lord. But of course, what causes so many thick and thin in our marriage life is our "SELF". We love our "SELF" more than we love our Lord Jesus Christ. By default, we ourselves are "self-centred", therefore it is very hard for us to be "
ONE FLESH" with our wife. Agree?
Praise the Lord! by His Faithfulness & Unfailing Love with which He loves us, we finally have a blog on Marriage. We hope that with this blog, we are able to encourage and strengthen one another to take marriage seriouly before our God. So, dearest saints, if you have any contribution pertaining to marriage, pls share it to us so that we can put it up on this blog to strengthen the saints.
Lastly, we will update the blog weekly, after our weekly prayer and fellowship. Pls remember us in your prayer and pray that all our marriage life will be blessed by our Lord Jesus Christ.
Godly Success in Marriage - Part 1
Dear brothers and sisters in Christ,
We (
kian heng and kok yong) wish to share with you what we have gained on this all-important topic -
MARRIAGE. Over the next few weeks, we’ll share portions from the book by Thomas Nelson entitled “The 12 Essentials of Godly Success”.
We welcome your comments and contributions too!Part 1
Marriage: Foundation for Joy or Rock in Your shoes? If you’ve ever jogged for exercise, you know that if you were to start a marathon and then notice a rock in your shoe after the first couple of steps, you wouldn’t keep running. Even though that rock may be a little irritation right away, by mile ten you’ll be dreading every time your foot hits the ground. And by mile twenty, you’ll be the first person to finish a marathon hopping on one foot.
Your shoes are not merely elements of your race; they are the foundation on which you stand. If you have a rock in your shoe at the beginning of a marathon, you have to stop right there and make it right. You can’t afford to take another step until you take off that shoe and get the rock out. Then you can proceed and finish that race.
Having a godly marriage is as integral to a life of success as good shoes are to a marathon. You better get marriage right at the start; if you don’t, it will come back to haunt you.
You cannot be happy and successful in life when your marriage is in shambles. Your marriage is not simply something you add on to the side of your life; it is something you are. You truly have become
one flesh, Mar 10:8 "and they shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two but one flesh..". Marriage is inseparable from your very life. And great marriages are an exclusive club – only the selfless can be members.
We’ll cover four foundational beliefs for true success in marriage. And then We’ll offer you seven foundational actions. Belief and behaviour – four things you need to believe, seven acts of behaviour. These are not optional – you don’t get to pick your favourite eight out of eleven. If you miss one of these, your marriage will eventually have serious problems, as will your life.
We will all struggle with these, but I hope to struggle long and well. That’s what makes a good marriage instead of a bad one; the willingness to struggle.
Belief 1: Fear of God The fear of God means that you do the right things for the right reasons. I used to be confused when I read that verse that says, “If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple” (Luke 14:26). It doesn’t look like it makes a lot of sense. “You have to love Me more than these people to be My disciple.” And then as I progressed in the Christian life, I realized that was the most wonderful notion you could have. When you love God supremely, then your faith determines your actions. You will be doing the right things for the right reason. You will be consistent.
For instance, I spoke in San Antonio this week. I didn’t know what my wife was doing for two days, but that doesn’t bother me. I’ll tell you why. Because I know who my wife is and I know who my wife fears and I know who my wife loves.
It’s not that I know my wife will act a certain way. I know why she acts the way she acts, and it’s not because of me. Otherwise, her actions would shift according to my faithfulness. She acts a certain way because of the un-movability of God.
You can’t have a marriage if you don’t have an immovable reason as to why you will be gentle, loving, faithful, kind, and respectful. In the creation it was God and Adam first, then Adam and Eve. God has to be central between two people before you can bring them together. You can do all the counseling and all the psychological and philosophical talking about relationships that you want, but it’s not worth a hill of beans if you’re not trusting in something that doesn’t move. And the only thing we have that doesn’t move is God. So the first foundational belief for marriage is that both individuals must fear God and seek to obey Him. Good behaviour has its roots and life in the fear of God.
Questions for discussion:
Why is the fear of God foundational to marriage? When your relationship with God is not right, how does that affect your other relationships? How do you turn that around?
Some verses for meditation:
“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” Proverbs 9:10
“The fear of the LORD prolongs life, but the years of the wicked will be shortened.” Proverbs 10:27
“For in many dreams and in many words there is emptiness. Rather, fear God.” Ecclesiastes 5:7
