Be sober and be watchful.
As i sit here wondering what had happened over the last 2 ½ days at Singapore Casket, i guess it is best to write it down.
It all began when i have received new that one of dear sister has committed suicide. Yes, it is due to marital problems. Having both parties to blame for the tragedy, the innocent one is always the child, the 6 years old daughter. And hearing those things that the husband had done to her, i was so angry that i do not intend to attend any of the wake services. But thank be to God, His has melt my heart. Within me i have a clear speaking from the Lord, not only attending the wake services, but i have to be there the whole day. So, i went. Both days, 10am to 10pm, at the last day,the cremation was at 11,15.
Thru out this period, i have see and heard so many things about our dear sister and her husband, and above all, seeing her dearest sister's daughter. Looking at her, gave me lots of thought. Our dear sister has brought grieved to so many hearts. Her parent, sibling, relatives, the saints and above all, her dearest daughter. The only time her tears keeping falling from her tiny eyes was after the cremation, holding her mummy photo. She know and well aware that her mummy has already gone with the Lord.
Another thought that ran thru me was :Taking care of the child, meet the parent's day for primary school, looking at other friends parent hugging them, be it in school or in the meeting hall,etc.
“Where is my mummy? I want mummy?” Loosing hugs and kisses from her mummy, Lord!!!! (this is so difficult to continue sharing) this is something that will be with her all her life.
I shall stop here, carry on will bring tears out of my eyes. So, i pray to my Lord, my God. Be merciful and Graceful to all the family. No matter what will happened or had happened or is happening between husband and wife, Lord, may Your LOVE, and not our human love, take control of our life. Only your LOVE is able to cause us to put ourselves aside, forgive one another, husband take the initiatives to apologies to the wife, and to love our children. Be sober and watchful, do not be deceived by the old serpent. Remember, he is always there readilyy to break the marriage covenant.
How far?
How far do you allow your spouse to do things he/she wants to do but at the same time you are being warned by your parents, and sibling to stop he/she from doing?I guess it goes down to bite the bullet and pray for the Lord's preservation for us to be "ONE" with our spouse. This is my experience:Sometime early last year, where one is serving Full-Time and the other is jobless, my wife begin to put her heart and soul into one of the most potential "fast-cash" earning business, some sort of pyramid selling. She worked really hard for it. But the problem is : you have buy their products, and it is not cheap, cheapest is between US$400-US$500. Knowing that we are already in a real tight situation, i stand to support her. Although i knew that it is not easy in this business (as i have tried it out before), i chose to stay beside her and give her the fullest support as a husband.On the other side, due to her coming home late (attending lots of presentation, and bringing her potential clients to the presentation), my mum begin to highlight to me concerning the feasibility of this business, and she want me to ask my wife to stop this business and my mum also tell her too. Now i am in between both of them. How? the only way: "Look to the Lord and pray". Looking back the days as i was fellowshipping with my wife this morning, i guess, it is good to let someone learn a lesson. Otherwise they will not know that sometime, due to our stubbornness, pride and self-confident, we block all the advise, and they will never learn that it is good to listen to advise. I told her that there are only 2 earthly ways then:1) Take my mother advice, stop her and of course, we will end up in a heat quarrel.2) Just continue to give her the fullest support but as the same time, give her advice in a more tactful, careful, soft tone and nice manner way.Many tks to HIM, i choose option(2). Even though (we) may suffer a few thousands of dollars, but in return, i hope she has learn a lesson and for me, to learn what is to be "ONE" with my wife and i can only say : "Lord, thank you for your Grace and Mercy, it is only few thousands and not few tens or hundreds of thousand for us to learn." This is a expensive lesson for us to learn and i believe there are more to come along the way." It may not be necessary in this area, but it may be due to house renovation (deciding colour to paint), children education (home education, tuition, selection of school), sibling (asking for monetary assistance), in-laws (giving special instructions to handle your spouse), etc.Lord, pray for all the families and give all of us Grace, Peace, Love and Wisdom to handle each trials/ problems that comes along the way and keep us as "ONE". Thank YOU, Lord Jesus Christ.
The 5 LOVE Languages
The Five Love Languages (http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/)
1) Words of Affirmation
Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Verbal appreciation speaks powerfully to persons whose primary Love Language is “Words of Affirmation.” Simple statements, such as, “You look great in that suit,” or “You must be the best baker in the world! I love your oatmeal cookies,” are sometimes all a person needs to hear to feel loved. Aside from verbal compliments, another way to communicate through “Words of Affirmation” is to offer encouragement. Here are some examples: reinforcing a difficult decision; calling attention to progress made on a current project; acknowledging a person’s unique perspective on an important topic. If a loved one listens for “Words of Affirmation,” offering encouragement will help him or her to overcome insecurities and develop greater confidence.
2) Quality Time
Quality time is more than mere proximity. It’s about focusing all your energy on your mate. A husband watching sports while talking to his wife is NOT quality time. Unless all of your attention is focused on your mate, even an intimate dinner for two can come and go without a minute of quality time being shared.
Quality conversation is very important in a healthy relationship. It involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. A good mate will not only listen, but offer advice and respond to assure their mate they are truly listening. Many mates don’t expect you to solve their problems. They need a sympathetic listener.
An important aspect of quality conversation is self-revelation. In order for you to communicate with your mate, you must also be in tune with your inner emotions. It is only when you understand your emotions and inner feelings will you then be able to share quality conversation, and quality time with your mate.
Quality activities are a very important part of quality time. Many mates feel most loved when they spend physical time together, doing activities that they love to do. Spending time together will bring a couple closer, and, in the years to come, will fill up a memory bank that you can reminisce about in the future.
Whether it’s sitting on the couch and having a brief conversation or playing together in a tennis league, quality time is a love language that is shared by many. Setting aside focused time with your mate will ensure a happy marriage.
3) Receiving Gifts
Some mates respond well to visual symbols of love. If you speak this love language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an expression of love and devotion. People who speak this love language often feel that a lack of gifts represents a lack of love from their mate. Luckily, this love language is one of the easiest to learn.
If you want to become an effective gift giver, many mates will have to learn to change their attitude about money. If you are naturally a spender, you will have no trouble buying gifts for your mate. However, a person who is used to investing and saving their money may have a tough time adjusting to the concept of spending money as an expression of love. These people must understand that you are investing the money not in gifts, but in deepening your relationship with your mate.
The gift of self is an important symbol of love. Sometimes all your mate desires is for someone to be there for them, going through the same trials and experiencing the same things. Your body can become a very powerful physical symbol of love.
These gifts need not to come every day, or even every week. They don’t even need to cost a lot of money. Free, frequent, expensive, or rare, if your mate relates to the language of receiving gifts, any visible sign of your love will leave them feeling happy and secure in your relationship.
4) Acts of Service
Sometimes simple chores around the house can be an undeniable expression of love. Even simple things like laundry and taking out the trash require some form of planning, time, effort, and energy. Just as Jesus demonstrated when he washed the feet of his disciples, doing humble chores can be a very powerful expression of love and devotion to your mate.
Very often, both pairs in a couple will speak to the Acts of Service Language. However, it is very important to understand what acts of service your mate most appreciates. Even though couples are helping each other around the house, couples will still fight because the are unknowingly communicating with each other in two different dialects. For example, a wife may spend her day washing the cars and walking to dog, but if her husband feels that laundry and dishes are a superior necessity, he may feel unloved, despite the fact that his wife did many other chores throughout the day. It is important to learn your mate’s dialect and work hard to understand what acts of service will show your love.
It is important to do these acts of service out of love and not obligation. A mate who does chores and helps out around the house out of guilt or fear will inevitably not be speaking a language of love, but a language of resentment. It’s important to perform these acts out of the kindness of your heart.
Demonstrating the acts of service can mean stepping out of the stereotypes. Acts of service require both mates to humble themselves into doing some chores and services that aren’t usually expected from their gender. However, these little sacrifices will mean the world to your mate, and will ensure a happy relationship.
Physical Touch Many mates feel the most loved when they receive physical contact from their partner. For a mate who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can make or break the relationship. Sexual intercourse makes many mates feel secure and loved in a marriage. However, it is only one dialect of physical touch. Many parts of the body are extremely sensitive to stimulation. It is important to discover how your partner not only physically responds but also psychologically responds to these touches.
It is important to learn how your mate speaks the physical touch language. Some touches are irritating and uncomfortable for your mate. Take the time to learn the touches your mate likes. They can be big acts, such as back massages or lovemaking, or little acts such as touches on the cheek or a hand on the shoulder. It’s important to learn how your mate responds to touch. That is how you will make the most of this love language.
All marriages will experience crisis. In these cases, physical touch is very important. In a crisis situation, a hug can communicate an immense amount of love for that person. A person whose primary love language is physical touch would much rather have you hold them and be silent than offer any advice.
It is important to remember that this love language is different for everyone. What type of touch makes you feel secure is not necessarily what will make your partner happy. It is important to learn each other’s dialects. That way you can make the most of your hugging, kissing, and other physical contacts.
Marriage Vows
Marriage Vows
(Used by Registry Of Marriages, Singapore)
Back to the beginning.....................
Registrar's Address
Before you are joined in matrimony, it is my duty to remind you of the solemn and binding character of the vows you are about to make. Marriage according to law is the union of one man and one woman, voluntarily entered into for life, to the exclusion of all others.
Do I understand that you __________________ and you ________________ are here of your own free will for the purpose of becoming man and wife?
Couple answer together: Yes
To Bridegroom
Will you, __________________ take this woman ______________ to be your wedded wife, to live together in the legal estate of matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honour and keep her in sickness and in health and forsaking all others, be faithful to her, so long as you both shall live?
Answer: I will
To Bride
Will you, _________________ take this man _________________ to be your wedded husband, to live together in the legal estate of matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honour and keep him in sickness and in health and forsaking all others, be faithful to him, so long as you both shall live?
Answer: I will
The Rings (optional)
Registrar's Instructions
Take this ring and put it upon the third finger of his/her left hand and repeat after me:
In token and pledge of our constant faith and
abiding love, with this ring I marry you.
Registrar's Pronouncement
As both of you have given your consent before me to live together in matrimony and have solemnly promised, each to the other to do so, I now pronounce you two Man and Wife.
Marriage Vows
Marriage Vows
(Used by Registry Of Marriages, Singapore)
Back to the beginning.....................
Registrar's Address
Before you are joined in matrimony, it is my duty to remind you of the solemn and binding character of the vows you are about to make. Marriage according to law is the union of one man and one woman, voluntarily entered into for life, to the exclusion of all others.
Do I understand that you __________________ and you ________________ are here of your own free will for the purpose of becoming man and wife?
Couple answer together: Yes
To Bridegroom
Will you, __________________ take this woman ______________ to be your wedded wife, to live together in the legal estate of matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honour and keep her in sickness and in health and forsaking all others, be faithful to her, so long as you both shall live?
Answer: I will
To Bride
Will you, _________________ take this man _________________ to be your wedded husband, to live together in the legal estate of matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honour and keep him in sickness and in health and forsaking all others, be faithful to him, so long as you both shall live?
Answer: I will
The Rings (optional)
Registrar's Instructions
Take this ring and put it upon the third finger of his/her left hand and repeat after me:
In token and pledge of our constant faith and
abiding love, with this ring I marry you.
Registrar's Pronouncement
As both of you have given your consent before me to live together in matrimony and have solemnly promised, each to the other to do so, I now pronounce you two Man and Wife.
Covenant Marriages
WHY the term Covenant Marriage?
Because it most clearly denotes the uniqueness of Christian Marriages. Covenant is a biblical term. God is a covenant-making GOD.
Covenant Characteristics:
- Covenants are initiated for the Benefit of the other person.
- In Covenants relationships, people make Unconditional Promises.
- Covenant relationships are based on Steadfast Love.
- Covenant relationships view commitments as Permanent.
- Covenant relationships require Confrontation and Forgiveness.
Her needs
First, let's look at the five needs of a wife. The first need is for affection. To most women affection symbolizes security, protection, comfort, and approval. When a husband shows his wife affection, he sends the following messages: (1) I'll take care of you and protect you; (2) I'm concerned about the problems you face, and I am with you; (3) I think you've done a good job, and I'm so proud of you.
Men need to understand how strongly women need these affirmations. For the typical wife, there can hardly be enough of them. A hug can communicate all of the affirmations of the previous paragraph. But, affection can be shown in many ways such as: kisses, cards, flowers, dinners out, opening the car door, holding hands, walks after dinner, back rubs, phone calls--there are a thousand ways to say "I love you." From a woman's point of view, affection is the essential cement of her relationship with a man.
The second need is conversation. Wives need their husbands to talk to them and to listen to them; they need lots of two-way conversation. In their dating life prior to marriage, most couples spent time time showing each other affection and talking. This shouldn't be dropped after the wedding. When two people get married, each partner has a right to expect the same loving care and attention that prevailed during courtship to continue after the wedding. The man who takes time to talk to a woman will have an inside track to her heart.
The third need is honesty and openness. A wife needs to trust her husband totally. A sense of security is the common thread woven through all of a woman's five basic needs. If a husband does not keep up honest and open communication with his wife, he undermines her trust and eventually destroys her security. To feel secure, a wife must trust her husband to give her accurate information about his past, the present, and the future. If she can't trust the signals he sends, she has no foundation on which to build a solid relationship. Instead of adjusting to him, she always feels off balance; instead of growing toward him, she grows away from him.
Financial commitment is a fourth need a wife experiences. She needs enough money to live comfortably: she needs financial support. No matter how successful a career a woman might have, she usually wants her husband to earn enough money to allow her to feel supported and to feel cared for.
The fifth need is family commitment. A wife needs her husband to be a good father and have a family commitment. The vast majority of women who get married have a powerful instinct to create a home and have children. Above all, wives want their husbands to take a leadership role in the family and to commit themselves to the moral and educational development of their children.
