Godly Success In Marriage

Find Time to communicate with your spouse

After so many years of fetching my wife to and fro from her works, I came to realized that this is the best time where both of us are able to chat without any interference. Be it in the train or in the car, it just me and my wife, "focus" communication, cause the moment we step home, our attention will be upon our children or other matters, you simply do not have time till the next possible "slot".

The next possible "slot" will be before both of you sleep, therefore if you have project or any assignment that required you to work real late, go and spend some good quality time chatting with your spouse first before you continue your assignment. One thing that you have to know brother, is that sister loves to speak about her daily living, especially with regards to her works.

So, lend your ears to one another, the more you talk, the more you understand one another. The more you understand one another, the more you care for one another, the more you care for one another, the more you will pray and love one another, this is my experience, as we have to work out our salvation, likewise, we also have to :

Work out your Marriage !

posted by Lighthouse @ 9:08 PM 0 Comments

Staying Power

I was reading Stu Weber’s “Tender Warrior – God’s Intention for a Man”, and much encouraged by what he mentioned on the need for “staying power”. Here is what he says:

“The ability to make and keep promises is central to manhood. It may be trite to say that “a man’s word is his bond” but it is never trite to see it in action. It is a man at his best – giving his word and making good on it, making a promise and keeping it. The calling of every man is to offer stability to a world full of chaos. Certainty to a jungle of unpredictability. Consistency to a world of flux. Security to an insecure place.

We live in a “hope so” world. There are few certainties in this life. Ours is a world of dreams, hopes, and wishful thinking. Everyone “hopes” their ship will come in...

Promise making and keeping is at the heart of godliness. At the heart of God – at the very core of His nature – is the making and keeping of promises. All the Scripture hangs on the promise – a series of covenants. A man’s promise is an awesome power…

Staying power. The bottom line? Stay with it, man. Stick by your commitments. Stand by your promises. Never, never let go, no matter what.

When marriage isn’t fun…stay in it.
When parenting is over your head…stay at it.
When work is crushing your spirit…don’t let it beat you.
When your children let you down…pick them up.
When you wife goes through a six-month mood swing…live with it.

Understand that the heart of staying power is SACRIFICE – giving one’s self up for the good of another. For the ultimate example of staying power, our eyes have only to lock in on the Lord Jesus Christ. When He could have turned away from the cross, He stayed on course, setting His face like a flint, all the way to Calvary. When He could have come down from the cross and sidestepped the suffering, He stayed. When He could have summoned armies of angels to deliver Him and called down divine air strikes on His adversaries, He stayed. He persevered and “stayed under” all the way until that moment came when He could cry out, “It’s finished!”.


kh

posted by Lighthouse @ 9:49 PM 0 Comments

Few things that i am still observing.......

Praise the Lord for His Mercy and Grace. It is important to trust one another cause many times things happen when some 'gossiper' come to you telling you : "Hello, i saw your hubby having dinner with a woman", "bro, i saw your wife walking with a guy" etc........ . And that how easily the devil cast a doubt in you.

I have been observing a few things all these years and i think that it is advisable for you to observe too.

• Do not dine with an opposite sex if necessary, as for me, my wife only allow "Lunch time ONLY", no dinner with another lady, be it sister in Christ, colleague or business clients. So if you have to arrange a "makan", pls arrange it during lunch time. And if you have to arrange it during dinner time, you must inform your spouse. Inform him/her the location and who are you dining with. This is to prevent giving a place for the evil one to work.
• If you have to send a sister in Christ home from the meeting, she has to sit at the rear. Yes, it sound ridiculous especially asking you to be a driver where u have to swallow your pride. But it worth it, trust me.
  
• Try not to fellowship/talk with another sex in a enclosed room. If you have to, keep the door open. Alway chat at the open space where there are "witness" around.

Trusting take a life time to learn (new job that require entertainment, new enviroment, new team to work with, etc), but it take every effort to shortened the lesson of trusting one another. The more communication you have with your spouse, the quicker you learn to know and trust your spouse. My wife talk to me everyday, the more she talk to me about her daily affairs, the more i know her, and knowing who she is with everyday, i fully trust her.

Isn't it similar of how we need to trust the Lord....... . Talk to Him everyday, you want know that He is a Trustworthy God.

Shalom

posted by Lighthouse @ 8:17 AM 0 Comments

Godly Success in Marriage - Part 9

Action 5: Trust One Another

Marriage needs trust. Don’t make unwise overtures and create emotional intimacy with people of the opposite sex. Your spouse will worry and for a good reason. Don’t have lunch alone with a member of the opposite sex. If your wife ever says to you that she feels like another woman is getting too close, don’t argue. If your husband ever says he wants you to stop talking so much with another man, listen to him. You can’t betray the trust of your mate.

But you also shouldn’t doubt your mate for no reason. I have had people in my congregation who have been burdened by an unnecessary jealousy. Now if some guy gets too close to my wife, I would be jealous. That’s not a bad thing. God is jealous for his bride.

But if I call home from San Antonio and my wife isn’t there, and I call again at ten o’clock and she isn’t there, I don’t come home and say to this woman who has given me no reason to ever doubt her, “Where were you? Who did you see? Who were you with? Who was it?” That’s just plain wicked. There is no reason in the world for me to doubt my wife.

Frankly, when I see a man who is continually suspicious and wounding the heart of his spouse, my thought is, You have some serious issues. Were you foolish enough to marry someone you can’t trust? Or have you grown doubtful because of sin in your own heart? Unfounded jealousy will eat away at the core of a marriage. You have to trust your mate.

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Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (I Cor. 13:4-7).

posted by Lighthouse @ 9:26 PM 0 Comments

Surprise ! it's for you darling.

When is the last time that you have get a gift for your loved one? a month ago, a year ago............
If you have not do so, i guess it is about time to get a gift for your loved one. It can be a gift via sms saying : I love you, darling, or a bible verse via Email saying : God is LOVE, or even a pair of ear rings that cost $2.90. Or even a 2007 calendar for Godly women in the bible or Godly man in the bible.
Do not belitttle all this tiny mini effort, it does contribute to the the success in your marriage. It speak of your heart of love for your spouse. It implies that in your busy schedule, you still have the heart for him or for her, of cause, pls pray before you buy, made sure that you have ask our Lord Jesus, the God of LOVE as to which gift, by what mean to reach your spouse.
Lastly, remember to pray continually for your spouse and your children.

posted by Lighthouse @ 11:01 PM 0 Comments

Bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh

Gen 2:23
Then the man said, "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man."

posted by Lighthouse @ 8:13 AM 0 Comments

Godly Success in Marriage - Part 8

Action 4: Spend Time with Each Other

When couples are dating, many of them want to reserve 6:00 pm until 2:00 am everyday to be together. And anything that threatens that time is seen as an inconvenience. If you’ve dated, you know what I am talking about. You went to a movie by yourselves. You are together, talked together…

When you get married, it is different. Much of your time is spent doing all the things you have to do to keep a family going. You can become like two old mules yoked together. “Ah, there you are, Sally. Ready to start pulling? Better get going – we got about fifty years of this ahead of us.”

The danger is that after a few job changes, illnesses, kids, operations… you become two Marines back to back. “It’s your turn to take the kids.” You just get tough, like old partners, who lean on each other. In one sense, that’s OK. I always tell young couples, “Don’t think marriage is a continual fount of effervescence and joy. A huge part of marriage is just being there for one another no matter how you feel.”

But marriage is more than that. Marriage is also meant to include delight and intimacy and joy. Those aspects of our relationship are built when we spend time together. So every Wednesday night, my wife and I go out. And when I say “go out”, I don’t mean we run down to Wendy’s. I mean I vacuum the car, brush my teeth, take her out, sit across from her and spend time together. Make it a priority, prepare for it, and treat it as an opportunity and a challenge. Guess what? Once you build the habit, it becomes fun and you’ll never want to do without it. Your children will boast about your tenderness into the next generation.

posted by Lighthouse @ 11:52 PM 0 Comments

A "Date" tree and a "Honey" tree.

A "Date" tree was talking to a "Honey" tree : Hi, how about a "date", "Honey"?. This was shared by a brother in the church camp. Although it's just a simple joke, but it is very meaningful......especially for those who have married for years. I believed you have already forgotten about "dating" your wife. And if you have children, I dare not even think of it, because, just like my mother use to say: "who will take care of the children? go another day lah", and "THAT" day will never come.

A "Date" is where you and your spouse ONLY spend some time together, be it a 2 days 1 nite holiday, a simple dinner, a couple spa, or going to a church meeting together (and sit together). It is the time where you and your spouse have a good time together. Enjoy the companion of each other without having your children around that you have to turn your attention to.

Sound simple? well. Do it then.

And as for me, i am looking forward to "that" day where i can date my wife, because she has a free buffet dinner voucher. Pray for each other, 1Th 5:17 pray without ceasing, pray that our Lord will give us abundant grace to every family and to every newly wed saints. May our Lord teach us how to nourish and cherish our spouse and be able to rule our house well.
1Ti 3:5 (but if a man knoweth not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)

posted by Lighthouse @ 4:24 PM 0 Comments

Congratulation to Bro Kai Seong and Sis Hwee See

posted by Lighthouse @ 8:34 AM 0 Comments

Godly Success in Marriage - Part 7

Action 3: Communicate

In any relationship, you have to talk and you have to listen. We have to talk sweetly and deeply and easily and often. And then we have to listen carefully to truly hear what our partner is saying.

You need more than Level 1 communication. Level 1 communication acknowledges that the other person exists. “How are you doing?” “Pretty good.” “Have a nice day.” It’s the way you’re spoken to when you pick up a burger at Wendy’s. That’s fine for fast food, but you don’t want to have a drive-through marriage.

Level 2 communication is the exchange of information, “How are you doing?” “Well, actually, I’ve got a little sinus drainage this morning.” Level 3 communication shows concern about you as a person. “How are you doing?” “I have some sinus drainage.” “I am sorry to hear that. You know what? Let’s pray about it. God loves you.”

That’s Level 3 communication and that is why people get married. It’s why they fall in love. When they dated, they went to restaurants and sat across the table and looked into each other’s eyes. There they talked of deep things and listened well. And they didn’t hurt one another. They got close, and there was acceptance and celebration and bonding. And they said, “Man, I need forty more years of this.” That’s why we fall in love in the first place.

Unfortunately, that which was an instinct while you were dating has to become a discipline in marriage. It takes time to listen and to communicate. One practical idea for a married couple is to have couch time. Make time every day to sit down with your mate and face each other on the couch. When the kids come along, you say, “Scoot, scoot, scoot. Mom and Dad are talking here.” Don’t think you’re going to psychologically damage your child; nothing could be more gratifying to your child to know the solidity of Mom and Dad’s relationship.

Perhaps you need to institute a date night. Wednesday night is our date night. Every Wednesday, I get to go to a quiet place and just enjoy being with Teresa. When I was young, I thought I would get to the place where I’d know her so completely we’d go through life staring blankly at each other. Now I realize she’s like a spring; there are new things constantly coming up from within her that I want to know. Her experience of life filters through her and I love it. We have to communicate.

Like many men, this was hard for me. The area of communication was a place where I was weak. I had to learn to listen. There was a time when my wife grabbed my cheek and said, “Listen with your face.” Just like that, she made me listen to her. I was a bad listener because I was trying to process information. We think we have the ability to watch ESPN, do the checkbook, and listen to our wives talk about their struggles all at the same time. “Um, that’s tough…keep going…I’m here for you, baby, I’m here.”

Women are interested in a lot more than just the exchange of information. Most of the time, they know the answer before they ever ask you the question. To have a godly marriage, you have to communicate and listen.

posted by Lighthouse @ 10:44 PM 0 Comments